I came across this article by my favorite Nashville Columnist, Walter Jowers, last night while drinking a decaf Americano at that coffee shop.  (Someone remind me to fix that link after next Wed.)  Walter's column, "Helter Shelter", is supposed to be about local real estate issues, but he actually writes about whatever he damn pleases.  I think he captures the Southern voice, in his articles, almost as well as T. R. Pearson.  Just try to read this piece, on the Olympics, without twanging:

Before I go any further, let me go ahead and explain that I know that all Olympic sports, even canoeing, require athletes to work at the very edge of physical and mental breakdown, and there's nothing easy about what they do. I know that a regular citizen like me operates under less than 1 percent of the stress that afflicts an elite athlete. Heck, I'd need a stepstool just to climb up on the pommel horse, and I'd probably fall off without anybody touching me.

That said, I want somebody to tell me: how can U.S. gymnast Paul Hamm actually fall down at the end of his vault and still win a gold medal? In case you didn't see it, Hamm ran up to the newfangled vaulting contraption—which looks like an old PrimeStar satellite dish—then flipped and twisted in midair. So far, so good. But when he landed, he took a hard right, staggered like he'd just been tasered, then crashed into the judges' table. The judges closed their eyes and stuck out their arms, trying to keep Hamm and the table off them. Hamm came to rest with his butt on the floor and his feet in the air, as if a bully had just pushed him backwards out of a swing.

I know, I know. The other male gymnasts did even worse. I didn't see their routines, but I'm assuming the silver- and bronze-winning South Koreans ended up missing some body parts, or at least knocked themselves unconscious.

Sure, Hamm came back strong, performing brilliantly after his crash. But I say you ought not to get a medal for careening into the judges' table. And you surely ought not get a medal for making the table-crashing guy look good by comparison. If I were in charge, all the male gymnasts would have to settle for Moon Pies—chocolate, strawberry and lemon.

There's more on synchronized diving and women's softball and gymnastics.  It's worth a look.

5:55:36 PM    comments? []