| November 2005 |
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| Oct Dec |
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Sunday, November 06, 2005 |
a simple prayer
to help you get by
dear god
thank you
for making me the web master
of my own life design
thank you
for introducing me to the divine
thank you
for helping me not be a social conformist
thank you
for giving me the strength
to throw away the uniform-ist
thank you
for the life I live
thank you
for the shit I do not give
I love you
amen
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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8:28:06 AM 
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Saturday, October 22, 2005 |
simple sexy pumpkin carving tips
it’s safe
you won't slice your fingers off
you won't burn your pad down
get creative as you want
turn down the lights
and turn your on jack-o-lantern
when your date arrives
keep the martian sunrise flowing
http://www.toilette-humor.com/flash/carve_pumpkin.swf
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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11:11:38 AM
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Saturday, October 15, 2005 |
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Sunday, October 09, 2005 |
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Saturday, October 01, 2005 |
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Saturday, September 17, 2005 |
More drink names
and their simple recipe ideas
that didn’t make it into the
Photography Book:
A Ron Jeremy
an ugly sloppy looking drink
but very popular
An Anna Nicole Smith
a big hot pink expensive sexy sparkly
fuck you while you’re drunk drink
A John Holmes
A long dark drink
maybe with a splash of red bull
A Jenna Jameson
6 shots of Jameson whisky
marvin gaye
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
9:26:38 AM
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Monday, September 05, 2005 |
more drink names
that weren’t used in the
Photography Book:
fucking your neighbor
fucking your best friends wife
loose lips sink ships
as they say in the mafia
if you don’t want anyone to know anything
you tell no one nothing
just be good
St. peter will allow you
into the heavenly hood
god bless
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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9:10:30 PM
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Saturday, September 03, 2005 |
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Sunday, August 21, 2005 |
simple
sexy dessert recipe
chocolates
red wine
get a box of chocolates
something pretty
something with variety maybe
something gourmet
something whatever
throw them on a cool plate.
Always have some chocolates
sitting out in room temperature
have a couple of bottles of red parked nearby too
so whenever a spontaneous dessert is needed
or if you need bait
to go back to your place
you will be sexy ready.
Everyone loves chocolate
and the red wine washes it down
perfectly.
The more chocolate you’ll eat
the more red wine you’ll drink
and the caffeine in the chocolate
will perk you up.
It’s sexy
it’s classy
it’s simple
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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11:21:41 AM
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Saturday, August 13, 2005 |
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Friday, August 05, 2005 |
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Sunday, July 31, 2005 |
it’s a simple dessert
it’s a cocktail in disguise
It’s innocent
it’s naughty
it’s refreshing
it’s hot
It’s sexy
it’s not
click here:
http://short2000.com/simple/spiked_popsicles.html
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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12:20:30 AM
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Sunday, July 24, 2005 |
more drink names
that weren’t used in the
Photography Book:
get a life
a simple life
live your life
living the sweet life
fantasies about your wife
a trophy wife
my dick
cuts like a knife
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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11:37:03 AM
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Sunday, July 17, 2005 |
oy gevalt
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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9:39:14 AM
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Saturday, July 09, 2005 |
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Saturday, July 02, 2005 |
simple tricks
to help you get laid
stop being a prick
don’t worry about the size
of your dick
stop being a cunt
stop the hunt
just be
love life
don’t worry about being a wife
don’t worry about a commitment
nothing is written in ce-ment
let it flow
let it go
just hang
just bang
be true
be you
be clean
don’t be mean
don’t do wrong
put down the bong
(once in a while)
be good
be fair
wear clean underwear
don’t care
what others have to say
always be
on your merry fucking way
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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9:43:01 AM
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Monday, June 20, 2005 |
cars that will get you laid
sporty, smaller, slick looking cars
that are shiny and clean
will get you some action.
hummers and giant trucks
say poser, douche bag or little dick.
anything that seats more than 4
is out of the question
it says there’s a family nearby
but
it may attract the ladies
that like the challenge
and the sign of commitment
(it’ll be just like wearing a wedding ring)
classic or older muscle cars
can get you some action too
if there aren’t too many rust spots
or homemade bondo jobs all over it.
any expensive car
can be a chick magnet too
it’ll show you’ve got cash
and you can take care of the ladies
but no matter what car you drive
look and be presentable first
be charming and clean
and interesting
don’t be annoying or desperate
or cocky
that will drive the honeys away
faster than any sports car ever made
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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8:38:40 AM
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Saturday, June 11, 2005 |
halo
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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9:57:29 AM
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Monday, June 06, 2005 |
another
simple
life adjusting trick:
“who fucking cares”
apply this phrase liberally
just as long as
no one is getting hurt
here’s an example dialogue:
hey you know that picture of you
that you emailed me the other day?
which one?
the one where you are wearing the nun outfit???
… holding the baby oil--
the one you told me not to show to anyone
or you’d wrap my balls around my head?!?!?
ohhhhh that one!! heh heh hehhh
Well you e-mailed it to the whole fucking company
Nationwide!”
?!!!?
eh,
who fucking cares
See what I mean?
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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8:48:51 AM
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Saturday, June 04, 2005 |
When life gives you pumpkins
you make pumpkin soup
-Bobby Flay
When life gives you pumpkins
Invite a honey over
keep the rain flowing
have some pizza
make some jack-o-lanterns
light them all up with little candles
turn the lights down low
let nature take it’s course
-short2000
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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8:09:29 AM
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Saturday, May 28, 2005 |
Simple Creative Desserts
it can be anything
you want it to be
her favorite flower
a dog
you in the shower
dr. jekyll and mr. hyde
an egg
with an engagement ring inside
click below
http://short2000.com/simple/decorations_you%20_can_eat.html
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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9:07:54 AM
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Monday, May 16, 2005 |
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Monday, May 09, 2005 |
more drink names
that weren’t used in the
Photography Book:
turn your water into wine
make you mine
heal your sick
give you a bigger dick
rise from the dead
fuck with your head
walk on water
welcome back kotter
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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7:53:12 AM
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Wednesday, April 27, 2005 |
Asa da borboleta
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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8:19:52 AM
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Saturday, April 23, 2005 |
more drink names
that weren't used in the
Photography Book:
benicio del toro
what’s your sign
so fine
blow me mind
a lava lamp
SOME
dirty owls
a night to spare
love your hair
truth or dare
dare I dare
love is in the air
not in my hair
please
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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8:54:05 AM
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Saturday, April 16, 2005 |
simple foods to avoid
when trying to get laid
PEANUTS
you may see them in a bar
home
school
or car
easy to eat
hard to beat
but once you start chewing
then start smiling
cooing
everyone will see it
and no one will say shit
to the peanut shit
holy shit
clinging to crevices of your teeth
it’s vile
a totally un-sexy smile
AVOID THE PEANUTS
when trying to get laid
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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11:28:17 AM
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Saturday, April 09, 2005 |
hey hey
johnnie
skin so tawny
you’re quite the talker
a midnight
walker
humor so
black
I dig your knack
for spreading my wings
when I’m on
my back
johhnie walker black
the scotch review is out
click here
V
v
http://short2000.com/simple/scotch_reviews.html
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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10:05:30 AM
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Friday, April 01, 2005 |
hey,,,,,,, is it my imagination
or is jimmy neutron a total cutie
or freakinwhat???
dang....
i mean, of course,, if I were five years old
or something. of course.
maybe i just need to lighten up on the
dirty owls
maybe i need a real fucking job.
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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8:43:32 PM
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Sunday, March 27, 2005 |
simple easter poetry
today is easter
everyone’s gone off to church
they will lurch
when they hear the story
of how jesus
in his glory
was resurrected from the dead
with an idea in his head
he decided to paint cute little eggs
get a real fucking job
his mother begs
so he goes into the chocolate industry.
the end
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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12:05:51 PM
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Saturday, March 26, 2005 |
gifts to get you laid
a romantic evening under the $tars
ultra fancy candle light dinner
precious stones
a house
a car
something they’ve always wanted
something they really really want
gifts to get you laid
(on the cheaper side)
porn and alcohol
viagra
a dildo
in short-
the subject should really be called:
gifts to get you laid
MAYBE
because if it’s a gift
that it’s going to take
to get you laid-
it’s a needy sign
and it’s never guaranteed.
fuck it.
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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10:56:34 AM
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Monday, March 21, 2005 |
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Monday, March 14, 2005 |
more drink names
that weren't used in the
Photography Book:
fuck on the rocks
fuck with a twist
hard fuck
easy fuck
what the fuck
let;s fuck
lame fuck
fuck a duck
fuck yourself
fuck the elf
pity fuck
fuck yeah
my favorite fuck
fuck everything
i’m so fucked
fucking idiot
fuck it all
fuck you
fuck me
fuck it
fuque
fukc
fukt
f
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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8:39:11 AM
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Monday, March 07, 2005 |
scotch review for
Dewar’s Scotch Whisky
I’ve been up all night
reviewing my brains out on this scotch.
dewar’s scotch whisky-
the review is out
the mug shot is out
click there
V
v
http://short2000.com/simple/scotch_reviews.html
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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9:50:03 AM
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Saturday, March 05, 2005 |
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Saturday, February 26, 2005 |
more drink names
that weren't used in the
Photography Book:
ADD
after one of these drinks
you could be easily diagnosed
for having an
attention deficit disorder
VD
vanilla daiquiri
MALARIA
a strong yellow drink
that can give you the chills
NECROPHILIA
after a couple of these
your date will be thinking
he’s fucking a dead person
OBESITY
wait,
that;s not a fucking disease
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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9:27:58 AM
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Tuesday, February 22, 2005 |
she’s in the
blue room
and she’s also on the
pink clock
you saw her
putting on her
lipstick
you saw her
lounging in her favorite
chair
having a butt
now here she is
just kicking back
on her favorite
red couch
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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7:53:44 AM
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Saturday, February 19, 2005 |
Simple waffle dessert
Ok here;s the waffle deal-
if you made the waffles yourself
or if they have a homemade cool look to them
then yes
it’s cool to make a fancy dessert using waffles-
top it with
ice cream, whipped cream, fruit, sauce, etc.
But if it’s a FROZEN WAFFLE
don’t-
even if everyone says you can.
it’ll be like polishing a turd.
Keep the little frozen beauties true….
toasted
butter
syrup
a side of scotch
now that’s a sexy late night dessert
that isn’t pretentious
or gay
and it’s hot
and it’ll hit the spot.
sometimes
you just have to accept
things
for what they are.
.that’s hot.
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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8:50:15 AM
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Friday, February 11, 2005 |
LiLA
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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9:19:26 AM
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Saturday, February 05, 2005 |
I got a sweet little angel
I love the way she spread her wings:
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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9:25:54 AM
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Saturday, January 29, 2005 |
Simple edible massage oil recipe
OLIVE OIL
of course you can massage with it!!
Get a little bottle of some olive oil -
It smells good
It tastes good
and it’s good for you!!!
And if you don’t know what you’re doing,
don’t try making your own special flavored oils.
You could get botulism or whatever the fuck sickness
you can get from the nasty stuff
that grows in the herbs, oils
wrong temperature, un-sterilized, light sensitive
whatever it is when making your own oils.
And if you want to disguise the olive oil -
pour some of it into a clean cool funky pretty little bottle!
OLIVE OIL
keep it simple
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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9:35:57 AM
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Thursday, January 27, 2005 |
her name was Lola
she was a show girl
with yellow feathers in her hair
and a dress cut down to there
.. oh,,,, no wait....
her name is
LILA:
http://short2000.com/short/photography.html
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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9:05:20 AM
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Monday, January 24, 2005 |
she’s in the
blue room
and she’s also on the
pink clock
you saw her
putting on her
lipstick
now here she is
just lounging in her favorite
chair
having a butt
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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8:13:22 AM
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Saturday, January 22, 2005 |
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Monday, January 17, 2005 |
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Saturday, January 15, 2005 |
simple life adjusting trick
why can’t I get laid?
why am I alone?
why can’t I ask her out?
why am i a freak show?
why this?
why that?
why
why
why
boo hoo hoo
from now on
stop asking
WHY
and switch to
WHY NOT
tonight
and watch your world change
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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9:06:02 AM
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Monday, January 10, 2005 |
she’s in the
blue room
and she’s also on the
pink clock
now here she is
putting on her
lipstick
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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8:08:43 AM
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Saturday, January 08, 2005 |
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Monday, January 03, 2005 |
simple new year’s resolutions
This year I promise
to spend less time downloading porn
on company time
This year I promise
to turn the fucking toaster oven on
when I put toast in there
This year I promise
to not drink crappy scotch
what’s the fucking point?
This year I promise
to stop saying fuck so much
This year I promise
to be more compassionate
to the homeless f-ing winos
in my head
This year I promise
to be more understanding and patient
with the underachievers
and crybabies who irritate me
This year I promise
to drink more
to help me be more understanding and patient
with the underachievers
and crybabies who irritate me
This year I promise
to quit peeking over at my neighbors
to see who’s getting nekked
This year I promise
to buy myself
the tiny webcam i always wanted
(for security reasons)
This year I promise
to stop taking myself so seriously
stop making promises
start making love
life is short
make it sweet
drink
laugh
be merry
eat
happy 2005
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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8:59:29 AM
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Tuesday, December 28, 2004 |
simple soothing tricks for
soap in the eye burn
Yup, every other year
whether I need to or not
I get shampoo in one of my eyes
and it hurts like heck
and here’s what to do:
if you can
SPLASH WATER IN THERE
to try and wash it out.
CRY
and allow the tears wash it out.
And this is my all time favorite:
KEEP YOUR EYE SHUT!!!!
let the moist eyelid do it’s soothing job
for as long as you need.
And if shampoo should get into both eyes
it;s okay to keep both eyes shut.
You can still finish your shower blind.
yeah you can.
yes you can.
yes.
click the below web address
to visit the photography book:
http://short2000.com/simple/
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11:37:41 AM
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Thursday, December 23, 2004 |
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