The Matrix: Exitation
I never saw the first Matrix when it first came out a few years ago—97? I didn’t realize what a big deal it was until the sequel was coming out this past summer and there was this big buzz about it.
“Damn, I should probably see The Matrix,” I said to my friend Matt, who likes to go on long rambling explanations about the mind-warping intricacies of the movie.
“I’ve got it on DVD if you want to see it,” Matt said.
“Sure,” I said.
I watched the Matrix and it was pretty good. And finally I could see what he meant about all the movies that copied its “wire work” and the 360 camera effects and other such things.
So anyway, I started to get all caught up in the hype of the new Matrix movie. When the day of the premier was upon us Matt convinced me that we should get there very, very early to beat the throng of Matrix maniacs that were sure to be lining up around the block and selling out the theatre in record time.
We got there so early that the people from the last showing were still leaving the theatre. The clean-up crew had to sweep around our feet. Then after sitting in the theatre for ten or fifteen minutes I looked at my watch. There was still like forty minutes until the Matrix (sequel) started and there was no mad throng Matrix maniacs.
Christ, I thought. I can’t just sit here for forty minutes and watch a slide show of advertisements and movie trivia. I’ve got go upstairs and get a beer or something.
I decided I would go upstairs and visit Lisa Marie who was working as a cocktail waitress at the Martini Bar. (This is before I knew she would smash up my house and destroy the best painting I ever did). I fished in my pocket for my movie stub but I couldn’t find it anywhere.
I asked Matt if I could use his stub to get in and out of the theatre.
“I don’t know, man,” Matt said. “What if they come through here checking for stubs and I don’t have mine? Then what?”
Matt was dead serious. He didn’t want to give me his Matrix stub. He was imagining that bad guy from the Matrix coming through with his sunglasses and his ear plug scrutinizing everyone in the theatre: where's your ticket stub, Mr. Anderson?
“Ah, come on man!” I said.
Matt reluctantly agreed.
I left the theatre, which was still empty except for me, Matt and his girlfriend and I went upstairs to the Martini Bar.
I saw Lisa Marie and chatted with her and had a beer. This made me want to stick around and drink a whole bunch more beers, and have sex with Lisa Marie. But before you know it, it was time to go see the Matrix.
I used Matt’s ticket stub to successfully reenter the theatre. And when I got to my row I could see that he had not been ejected by any Gestapo-like security.
“Here’s your stub back,” I said.
“Thanks,” Matt said.
The theatre was respectably full now, but it wasn’t a mad house or anything. Finally, the lights went down and the movie began.
What followed was an unbearable hour of the most boring, stupid movie I had seen in years. (Like that stupid techno-rave scene in slow motion! And Lawrence Fishburn saying in that pretenious, always deep and serious voice, tonight I shall party like the ancient days of partying.) All I could think about is how much better of a time I would have drinking beer. Finally, I pretended like I was going to the bathroom, but I was really just walking out of the Matrix never to return. I figured I could tell Matt that they wouldn’t let me in without my ticket stub.
I went up to the Martini bar and started drinking beer.
7:42:17 PM 
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