Saturday, November 22, 2003

Duh! artifact 1037f This is Duh! artifact 1037f.  It is quite possibly the most terrible landscape painting in the whole world.  It was also purchased by me at a Salvation Army thrift store today for seventy-nine cents. *1037f can only be found through secret directions contained in 1037e.  *1037f will give its possessor the following power: the power to always find at least two good adjoining seats in a very crowded movie theatre. 9:56:50 PM    comment []

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Duh! artifact 1037e This is Duh! artifact 1037e.  I bought it at a Salvation Army thriftstore today for ninety-nine cents.  As of now it is just a worthless lump of plastic.  But very soon I will endow it with metaphysical Duh! powers which will have a subtle, yet powerful effect upon anyone who comes in contact with it. Duh! Artifact 1037e will acquire its power once I secure it in its proper hiding place here in St. Petersburg, FL.  Once it is hidden, this magical artifact will patiently wait to be discovered by an ambitious Duh! adventurer. The Duh! adventurer will immediately receive a two-fold benefit from 1037e. 1) 1037e will act as a psychic shield to its discoverer.  The discoverer will immediately find that his or her mind is much more clear and focused and purposeful.  That is because 1037e will block the psychic pollution and propoganda that comes from hostile and controlling people, corporations, and governments.  The discoverer may have a feeling of suddenly escaping from a dark labyrinth that she never realized she was trapped in. 2) 1037e will have secret directions to Duh! artifact 1037f. 9:30:10 PM    comment []

Here's two pretty girls drinking in the green room.  Notice the amount of repetition in the photo.  Girl, girl.  Bottle, bottle.  Wood grain pattern, wood grain pattern, etc.  Well, actually that's all of it. 8:26:28 PM    comment []

the brawny man on crack This ghoulish face suddenly apeared in the window while I was taking stills at the green room.  I got kind of a chill when he made direct eye contact with the lens. He paused just for an instant and then he drifted back into the darkness. 8:14:10 PM    comment []

taking a leak Here's a shot of me taking a leak at the green room.  The irony is that I'm terribly pee-shy.  I usually can't go if I think that someone is even about to come into the restroom. But through the marvels of modern science I can let everyone in the world watch me whiz. 8:03:09 PM    comment []

lasagna This is Amy, Summer's roommate.  At three o'clock in the morning Amy decided to cook a giant lasagna dinner, complete with garlic bread and fancy salad. Summer was freaking out that Amy was making a mess of their kitchen.  I think, it started to give Amy a complex because she started talking to herself.  Or maybe it was the weed. "Who are you talking to over there?" Rodney said.  And then everyone couldn't stop laughing. I tried some of the garlic bread and salad and it was really good.  I kept inquiring about the lasagna, but by five am, it still wasn't done.  4:56:58 PM    comment []

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My drunken joke of the evening was to take this little newspaper clipping of Michael Jackson's  mug shot and stick in it people's shirt pocket's. "I want you to come to my slumber party," I would say trying to sound like Michael Jackson.   When people saw what it was they would rip it out and throw it on the ground.   Then I stuck the Michael Jackson clipping on the pool table, on the opposite side of the cue ball.  After all, Michael is probably hoping for a big break. 4:26:04 PM    comment []

Rodney: salesman, huster & Motley Crue expert The defining event of last night was going back to Summer's place at 2:30 in the morning, getting high and watching hours of Motley Crue concert videos. Rodney (pictured right) got into a heated and passionate debate with Summer about which tour it was that Tommy Lee did a drum solo in a cage that did twists and flips and turns like a roller coaster, high above the audience.  Rodney said it was during the Girls, Girls, Girls tour, while Summer said it was Dr. Feelgood.  "God, you are so wrong! YOU ARE SO WRONG!!" Summer said. "BULLSHIT!! BULLSHIT!!" Rodney said.  This eventually turned into a fifty dollar bet, and of course, watching both concert videos to see who was right.  While I sat there, drunk and stoned and watching Motley Crue, I realized I had missed out on one of the important building blocks of my childhood.  I had missed out on the greatest sex and drugs rock band of my generation.  The Crue worshipped getting fucked up, kicking ass, and having a great fucking time.  That's become kind of a lost art form. Today's (white) rock bands are always crying and moaning (like Staind) or shouting incomprehensibly like like cave monsters (Disturbed).   Now its only hip-hop artists who rap about having a good time.  I guess its just time for white people to feel bad. Anyway, Rodney won the bet.  As it turns out Tommy Lee did do drum solo in a cage that moved above the audience on the Dr. Feelgood tour too, but it didn't do flips!  That was the important, fifty dollar difference. After people tried to make Rodney feel bad about taking Summer's money, Rodney agreed to accept just $25.  All in all Rodney did pretty well for himself at Summer's after hours shin dig.  He scored free beer, free pot, free cigarettes, free snacks, and twenty five dollars in pocket cash, not to mention Crue bragging rights. (I on the other hand found that my dick wouldn't get hard from the pot). 2:52:08 PM    comment []

Here is rodney, half submerged in shadows at the Green Room on 1st ave north. 2:17:52 PM    comment []

© Copyright 2003 Mark Michaels. Last update: 12/4/2003; 9:16:28 PM.