precious mother earth
When I went to USF I had long hair and wrote a “radical” column for the college newspaper. In one of my columns I said that everyone should stop driving cars because the pollution they caused is slowly but surely destroying the atmosphere and killing us. I pointed out that people often commit suicide by running a car in a closed garage, and that the planet Earth was like a big closed garage with millions of running cars.
At this time, I didn’t have a car. I had lost my ’84 Pontiac Sunbird (that my parents bought me) when I ran a red light on Fowler Ave. while eating an egg McMuffin. I remember, right as my car was about to impact this gold colored sedan with a black family inside, I thought about my Egg McMuffin and fleetingly wondered if I could save it as I crashed. But I couldn’t save it. Both my Sunbird and the egg McMuffin were destroyed.
So anyway, at the time that I wrote my radical column about how we should all give up our cars I only had a yellow bicycle, so it was pretty easy for me to make this demand.
Before long, I flunked out of college again and I didn’t have a radical column to write anymore. I was out in the real world and I had to make money somehow so I could eat and sleep in a bed under a roof.
While I was out in the real world, I met Bob Bandit who made tons of money by tricking people into trimming and cutting down trees at outrageous prices. He gave me a job helping him trick people into cutting down trees for outrageous prices. Pretty soon I had enough money for another car. I got a little, red Pontiac Fiero.
A few months later I started my own tree trimming company, and I made good money by tricking people into trimming or cutting down trees in their yard. Before long I had an F-600 dump truck and a 1977 Dodge dually with massive v-8 engines that spewed tons of carbon monoxide and other emissions into the air. I also had about four or five chain saws which had no emission controls whatsoever. I read somewhere that a chain saw spews out more carbon monoxide than a car for this reason. And of course, from time to time we would get a big money job to take down a big healthy oak tree and all of those engines would be raging at once, filling the air with smoke as we slaughtered the lush, oxygen producing tree.
I remember, I could never get the old ’77 Dodge to pass emissions, but this friend of mine showed me how to cheat the inspection by opening an air intake on the engine block. Then I passed with flying colors.
When I started my tree business we would usually dump our tree brush illegally. We would just find some field, or some vacant lot and then drop our load of brush and logs and speed off.
One time when I was dropping my load of brush and logs in a field, my battery fell right out of that Dodge dually. It was like a little bomb of battery acid that fell out of my truck and into this field. I remember me and my business partner, Brad just went and bought another battery and got the hell out of there.
5:52:31 PM 
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I've got to give it up to match.com! I never thought you could really meet a girl this cute off the internet.