Tuesday, December 09, 2003

Tonight, I'm going out on another internet date, so there is no time to obsess over my blog.  In the meantime I will leave you with a couple of classic Beautiful Loser stories.  Enjoy. 6:34:54 PM    comment []

my towel rack   Soon after I moved into my Gulfport efficiency the towel rack broke in the little bathroom.  The towel rack was just a white metal rod with a wall bracket on each side.  But for some reason the wall bracket wasn't sticking to the wall or the pipe wasn't sticking to the brackets and the pipe just kept falling to the floor. I tried to fix it a couple of times but it still kept falling down.  So I just left the towel rack on the floor.  It stayed there for over a year until I started going out with this sexy, Jewish girl, Liana. With my permission, Liana started giving me help and advice on how to spruce up my dingy, little apartment.  Before long, she noticed my towel rack lying on the floor of the bathroom. "What's this?" Liana asked. "Oh, that's the towel rack," I said.  "I tried to fix it a couple of times, but it kept falling down." "Do you mind if I try to fix it?'" Liana asked. "Sure,"I said. After a few minutes, Liana had fixed the towel rack securely to the wall.  I tried to wiggle it and see if it would fall down again, but it was tight and solid. "That's great," I said.  My towel rack worked perfectly for months after that.  Eventually, Liana broke up with me but the towel rack remained strong for quite some time. But just recently, I noticed that the towel rack is starting to come out of the wall again.  It looks like the plaster is crumbling away around the wall anchors.  Pretty soon my towel rack is going to fall back on the floor, and it looks like it going to be pretty hard to fix. (from Beautiful Loser, 2002) 6:32:23 PM    comment []

the orange blues   After I flunked out of FSU and moved back home I still tried to do a couple of projects with my video camera.  But there was always this shadow of failure that loomed over me and undercut my creative efforts. One time I did this video about an orange that was stalking me around my house.  The orange kept popping up in all of these surprising and usual places.  It hid under my jacket and then squirted me with orange juice and other such nonsensical things.  The final, funny moment of the video is when a whole box of oranges rolls off the roof and falls on my head.  I fall  down on the ground and its supposed to be very funny. Then my mom discovered that I was rolling her oranges off the roof and ruining them.  She was disgusted and angry and she yelled at me in front of my friends. I was an eighteen year old college drop out and my mom was yelling at me because I was playing with her oranges and ruining them. It was pathetic. (from Beautiful Loser, 2002) 6:15:19 PM    comment []

Here's one more stupid thought before I go to bed.  Did anyone here read the Phantom, or Gasoline Alley in the comics when they were a kid.  I would try to follow them, but they seemed to have such short, meaningless snippets of action that it never made any sense.  Here is how I remember the phantom for example: Frame 1:  The Phantom rides his horse along the trail. Frame 2: The Phantom stops his horse and looks up the hill. Frame 3: The Phantom sees something behind a rock on top of the hill. And that was all you got until the next day.  I guess, you were supposed to hold that little snippet in your mind and replay it over and over and over again until the next morning, wondering: I wonder what that thing is behind the rock? I wonder what that thing is behind the rock? I wonder! I wonder! I wonder! Blah, blah, blah! Hello! Is anyone out there?  I'm wearing a chicken suit and I'm going to light a bus on fire and drive it off the sky way bridge! I've got ten zillion dollars that I'll give to the first person that makes any comment whatsoever?  President Lincoln invented the baloney sandwich. Jupiter is actually a planet made entirely up of Brady bunch costumes squished together so tightly light they squirted pickle juice all over the place. Doo-dee-doo. 12:18:32 AM    comment []

© Copyright 2004 Mark Michaels. Last update: 1/1/2004; 3:39:19 AM.