Thursday, December 18, 2003

today I start a new Duh! segent called... making a duh-fer-ence! volume 1: lending a hand Today I met an extraordinary young man by the name of Art Manos.  He has dedicated his life to bringing awareness to a terrible problem here in our local community, and across our great nation.  Art wants all of us to know about the epidemic of amputee crosswalk people.  Not only does Art want to bring you up to speed on this sad street sign situation, but he wants you to know that there is something that you can do about it.  6:03:10 PM    comment []

Because of the controversial and clandestine nature of Art's work, we had to disguise him for purporses of this interview. We interviewed Art via telephone from his St. Petersburg condo. Duh!: So, Art, how would you describe your mission with regard to the crosswalk crisis in America? Art: Well, Mark, basically I'm just filling a glaring gap in our society.  I see something that is obviously not there, and I put it there.  It's as simple as that.   Duh!: Why do you think that your work has brought you so much criticism and controversy from the powers that be? Art:  It's obvious isn't it?  The notion that we can have fully ambidextrous crosswalk people in our society is just too radical and dangerous for the folks at city hall.  They want to put handcuffs on our vision for society.  I want to take those handcuffs off.  And I think the people are ready. Duh!: Who are some of your biggest influences as as a social activist? Art:  I'm a big fan of Joan of Arc.  I've got to give her props for stickin it to the man in the 14th century.        6:02:53 PM    comment []

Duh!: What lesson would you like people to take from your work, Art?  What can your admirer's learn from the risks that you are taking? Art: I would want people to go beyond the limits that are set by society.  For instance, if someone sits on a park bench thats really hard and hurts their butt, I would want them to think, why can't there be a cushion here?  And why can't I put it here?  Duh!: I couldn't help but notice that you only add hands to the crosswalk people.  Why not feet?  Why not do it all? Art:  I only have two hands.  But maybe there is someone out there in radioland who could take up the cause.  I can't make this revolution happen all by myself. 5:49:30 PM    comment []

The editorial board at Duh! does not necessarily condone or endorse the opinions of Art Manos or other featured guests. 5:41:47 PM    comment []

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a lust for life All day at work I look forward to getting off work so I can do whatever I please.  Today, I am off of work and I'm free to do whatever I please.  The only things I can think to do with my freedom are: smoke a cigarette, beat-off, and take a nap. I know there are people out there who would take this oppotunity to go kayaking and rock climbing and mountain biking.  Then they would do an off-frame restoration of a 57 Chevy.  Then they would  enter a tango contest and  win second prize.  Then they would write an Elizabethan sonnet dedicated to their soul mate.  Then they would volunteer their time at a homeless shelter and teach inner city kids how to read.  Then they would do some day trading from their pc and make a quick killing in the stock market.  Then they would visit their mother and fix everything around her house and pay her bills without even telling her. Then they would invite over twenty of their best friends for a poker game.  Then they would put the finnishing touches on a historical novel about the civil war.  Then they would roll up their shirt sleeves and start doing even greater things. But not me.  I'm kind of tired.  Doing things are complicated and hard. Without exerting a lot of will power I will kind of slouch down into a listless vegetative state. 1:59:59 PM    comment []

dissociative disorder When I went out with the graduation girl there was lots of nervous talking about things that I wasn't really interested in at all.  That's one of my limitations as a social creature.  I am never able to initiate talk about things that I'm interested in or passionate about.  Instead, I wait for the other person to bring up a topic and then I just rejoin and comment as seems logical.  And even then, I don't really respond with comments that come spontaneously from my heart or brain.  Instead, I comment with what I imagine a normal, reasonable person would say in that situation. For instance: Other person: I just love my cats.  They sleep with me every night.  They keep me warm. my brain thinks, extrapolate on sleeping with cats. My response:  Ah yes, cats are kind of like electric pillows with legs. Other person: Although, my one cat, Fluffy will start scratching on my door in the middle of the night and wake me up.  She drives me crazy sometimes. my brain thinks, supply a similar experience with a cat or other animal. My response:  That's funny.  Once I had a ferret.  He would always get into my room at night and start nibbling on my toes. Other person:  (laughs) Really? my brain thinks, now she wants me to supply more anecdotal information about my ferret. My response: Um, yes.  And my ferret would always get out of my apartment.  My roommate would find him in the neighbor's yard and bring him back. Other person: What was your ferret's name? my brain thinks, uh oh.  I don't think I ever named my ferret.  When I reveal that bit of information she will begin to suspect that I am some sort of cold and detached person that doesn't name his animals.  Why do we have to keep talking about ferrets and cats?  All I want is to do is stick my sex organ in her sex organ.  She's barely taken a sip of her  wine.  She is one of those drinkers that sips one glass of wine over the course of a whole meal.  She's not going to get drunk.  She is not going to get giddy and carefree.  The only way I can get my sex organ into her sex organ is through a long series of dinners and dates and walks where we talk about cats and ferrets and other nonsensical topics. My brain locks up. 1:32:45 PM    comment []

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