Duh! (first reported case of mad blog disease in US)
All sorts of stuff jotted down in a haphazzard manner for no particular reason, with a special emphasis on stupid crap.

 










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  Wednesday, December 31, 2003


new year's day

I woke up  alone a little after noon.  I was still kind of fucked up and my guts hurt.  

I went to Daves's Kitchen and sat in a booth by myself.  I did my best not to stare at everyone's girlfriends and wives.  I read the newspaper and ate eggs and pancakes.

I was so lonely I wanted to stand up on my table and blow my fucking brains out. 

But I had another cup of coffee instead.


9:06:32 PM    comment []

a threesome with marilyn monroe

(dont' read if you don't want to hear about me having sex)

One of the cool things about my wife being bi-sexual was that at twenty-three I started having threesomes from time to time.

One time we had a threesome with this girl up in Gainesville.  She dressed and looked just like Marilyn Monroe, but skinnier.  I couldn't believe my wife was hooking me up with such a hot girl just like that.  When we got to her apartment the Marilyn Monroe girl looked me up and down and said,

"Okay, you look fabulous.  But go take a shower first."

I had showered that morning, but I guess when you're having sex with a total stranger you can never be fresh enough.

I went and showered and gleefully anticipated the girl-girl action I was about to get.  My dick was rock hard and throbbing.

After a quick washing here and there I was done and I wrapped a towel around myself.  On my way back to the bedroom I stopped by the Marilyin Monroe girl's fridge to see if there was anything to drink.  I saw a carton of orange juice and took a couple of gulps.  Then I noticed that the taste in my mouth was totally rotten and sour.  I went over to the sink and spit everything out that I could.

"You didn't drink the orange juice, did you?" the Marilyn Monroe girl asked.

"Yes, I did. What's wrong with it?" I replied.

"I think its about six months old," she said.  "Come on in here."

After I washed my mouth out I went into the bedroom where the girls were waiting.  They were already naked on the bed.  The Marilyin Monroe girl had beautiful milky white skin.

My wife and the Marilyn Monroe girl started kissing each other.  Being pretty new to this, I kind of hung back and just caressed them and watched.  Then the Marilyn Monroe girl took my towel off.

"My God, what a pretty penis you have," she said.

"Thanks," I said.  Then I got right in there with them.

At first we all seemed to be having a great time.  Licking this, and sucking that, kissing this and fucking that.

Then I got behind the Marilyn Monroe girl so we could do it doggy style.  When I first penetrated her she looked up and back at me with this look.  I guess the look was supposed to convey astonishment about how big I was or something.  But she just kept staring up at me with her mouth agape.  It was  a little strange and melodramatic.

But anyway, I started doing it with the Marilyn Monroe girl.  She had a beautiful little body and a soft and sexy way that she moaned.  I was just really getting into it when I looked over at my wife and noticed that there was something wrong.  She was crying.

Her friend asked her what was wrong, but it was pretty obvious.  Her new husband was having sex with another woman (and loving it).  So this brought everything to a halt.

Before long we were all dressed again.  The girls got all dolled up to go out clubbin' in Gainesville.  But for some reason, I didn't feel like going out.  (That's the strangest part of the story, why the hell didn't I want to go out and look like a stud with these two girls?  I have no idea.)

But anyway, when the girls went out I just hung about the apartment and eventually went to bed.  Several hours later I heard the girls come in.  They undressed and climbed in bed on either side of me.  At first I wondered whether we were going to try the threesome thing again.  But it seemed like my wife was passed out cold.

But the Marilyin Monroe girl wasn't passed out cold at all.  Pretty soon she started caressing me and I started caressing her back. 

"Come over here," she said, motioning to the couch in the other room.

"Okay," I said.

When we got to the couch the Marilyn Monroe girl had me lie back and then she started giving me a blow job.  This was, hands down the best blow job I have ever had in my life (even counting the ten years after).  The Marilyin Monroe girl sucked my dick like it was the most fun and exciting thing to do in the whole world.  (Whereas many girls do some token sucking as if its some sort of obligation).  And the Marilyn Monroe girl had this special technique of cupping my ballls and pushing them up against me while she bobbed up and down.  Finally, when I came, she slurped down every bit of the come like it was some delicious shake.

After that we went back to bed with my wife.

The next morning my wife and I hugged the Marilyin Monroe girl and said goodbye.  Then we were on the road back to St. Petersburg.

"You had sex with her, didn't you?" my wife said after we'd been driving a while.

"No, I didn't," I said.


7:08:49 PM    comment []

mr. cavity

When I was in second or third grade, my class watched this educational film about taking care of your teeth.  The star of the film was this gross looking monster called Mr. Cavity.  After showing us how to brush and floss and take good care of our teeth, Mr. Cavity would come out and taunt us.

"It doesn't matter what they tell you about how to fight me," he would say, "because you won't brush.  AND I'M GOING TO GET YOUR TEETH ONE BY ONE!"

Then Mr. Cavity would laugh at us with his evil laugh.  I don't know how the other kids felt.  But I was mad.  There was no way Mr. Cavity was going to get my teeth.

When I got home off the bus that day, I stormed right to the bathroom.  My older sister Laura saw that I was upset or angry about something.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

"I'm going to fight someone," I said, squeezing some crest onto my toothbrush.

"Who?" she said, with genuine alarm.

"Mr. Cavity," I said.


6:13:19 PM    comment []


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