Saturday, January 10, 2004

sleestack eyeballs Those are sleestack eyeballs to the right.  I have no idea why only the eyeballs copied from the land of the lost website, but there you have it. 7:08:05 PM    comment []

is  there anybody out there? Does anyone actually work in radio land?  Is there an office somewhere with people drinking coffee and shooting  crumpled memos into the waste basket and telling Michael Jackson jokes?  If so, this post is for you: I paid for 50 more MBs of storage space, but I haven't gotten it yet.  Where is it?  What are you people doing?  In the meantime, I have to cannibalize my old blog postings just to free up space and keep going. Help a brother out here. 7:07:51 PM    comment []

easily frightened I was very easily frightened of things on tv as a kid.  The monsters from Sigmund and the Sea Monsters used to scare the crap out of me.  Sometimes I would have to hide behind my couch until the sea monsters went away. I was also very afraid of the Sleestacks on Land of the Lost.       6:49:36 PM    comment []

surprise penis twist I have been urinating for thirty-three years and I consider myself pretty good at it.  But every now and then things can go awry, even for a veteran like myself. One occasional glitch is the surprise penis twist.  This is where the main shaft of your penis is pointed at the toilet in the usual fashion, but the head of penis has taken an extra twist or turn beyond your traditional holding spot. When you have this condition you are subject to an errant arc of piss which completely misses the  toilet and soaks your plunger or toilet brush or electrical outlet, or whatever happens to be in its path.  This condition is not as easy to remedy as you might imagine.  Since a pissing penis is a flaccid and irregular appnedage, the stream may go in wild and unpredictable patterns before it is focused back on its proper target. If you would like to learn more about this, I will be conducting a seminar on surprise penis twist syndrom at the Tampa Convention Center, February 9-11.  Guest speakers will include Hulk Hogan, Carrot Top, and Rosie O'Donnell.  Tickets are $29.95 in advance, $39.95 day of show.  Please, no camcorders, small children, or pipe bombs. 12:23:46 PM    comment []

like a birthday or a pretty view Do you ever marvel at how silly some lyrics are from hit songs?  I have this one snippet of Duran Duran lyrics that pops into my head from time to time just because I can't believe it made it into an actual song that actually gets played on the radio. You know the one that goes, please, please tell me now!  please, please telll me now! Well, Simon LeBon goes on to sing these couple of classic lines: It means so much to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, Like birthday, or a pretty viewwwwwwwwwwwwww! Like a birthday? Or a pretty view?  I mean, come on!  How did the other band dudes keep from cracking up when he first sang those lines?  How could the record producer dude let that slide when they were in the studio? I try to imagine Simon LeBon sitting there with his notebook of songs, penning those lines in his flat in London.  Was he thinking about little birthday horns and cone-shaped hats with the rubber band that goes around your chin and snaps you in your neck and leaves red line?  Was he envisioning pin the tale on the donkey? Paper streamers?  The way he got to pick the part of the cake with the best frosting on it? And how about "a pretty view?"  Maybe he could have given us some details.  A misty valley, perhaps?  Some mountains?  Trees? Anything!  That line just conjures up a three year old's drawing with some green crayon on the bottom of the page for grass, blue crayon at the top for sky, and a yellow mister sun with a smiley face and shine dashes coming out of it. Okay, I just had to get that out of my system.  11:53:46 AM    comment []

© Copyright 2004 Mark Michaels. Last update: 2/1/2004; 6:28:29 PM.