great new era
A great new era has dawned in my household. I have washed my comforters. Six months of personal grime and dried fluids has been returned to the universe (along with the personal grime and fluids of some guest lodgers). No longer will my bedcovers have the texture and scent of a homeless persons' curbside sleeping bag. No longer will I have to put pillows in strategic places to hide certains stains and discolorations.
My next project? Project scum tub, perhaps. Or maybe voyage to the bottom of the refrigerator.
a heart
I went to Chick-Fil-A with Bob Bandit and Joe Venuti today. Bob took the top bun off his chicken sandwich and started dousing it with ketchup. I looked at Bob's chicken breast and noticed it had a very particular shape.
"Your chicken looks just like a human heart," I said.
"I should stick it on my chest and see what it feels like to have one," Bob said.
what form the reaper will take
I sometimes wonder how it is that Bob Bandit is still alive. He drinks (and drives) and smokes more than anyone I know. I wonder what form the grim reaper will take for him.
His most dangerous habit may be the girls he bangs. He sleeps with the girlfriends and wives of a lot of jealous and powerful people.
"Listen to this," Bob said, handing me his cell phone.
"This is Chuck, Lisa's boyfriend," a very gruff and angry sounding man said. "I am coming to your house right now to kick your ass. I hope you're ready for me."
2:28:30 PM 
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Here is a heads up on an exciting "Duh!" prank soon to be carried out.
Underneath it says, "details at www.duh.cc"
I can only guess what profound effect this will have upon our society and our economy when everyone in America and perhaps the world stays home and twiddles their thumbs for twenty-four hours.