sarah and the tale of the phantom newcastles
 Once I heard that this girl Sarah was kind of hot for me. I actually heard this from my girlfriend, Liana. Then my girlfriend, Liana dumped me and I figured I would go after Sarah.
Around this time, I was part of this big show at the Tampa Museum of Art. Since I had a bunch of paintings hanging on the walls of this "big time" museum I felt like a superstar. Sarah was at the Tampa Museum the night of the of the opening, so it seemed like the perfect time to make my move.
I had a real ace up my sleeve too. Out in my car I had a cooler full of Newcastle beers. My car was parked in this dark park, away from the museum, so if I could get Sarah to my cooler of Newcastles I figured I could kiss her and have my way with her.
"Hey, Sarah! Want to go get some Newcastles from my private stash?" I asked when I bumped into her.
"I guess so," Sarah said. "Where's your stash?"
"It's over there," I said, pointing to a dark wooded area beside the museum.
I led Sarah away from the museum towards my truck and my secret stash of Newcastles. As we got away from the crowd and the excitement of the art show it started to get very quiet and dark. I got pretty excited as we got closer and closer to my truck. If I get a couple beers in her, she'll be all over me, I thought.
At last we were alone together at my truck.
"Ready for that Newcastle?" I said eagerly.
"Sure am," she said.
I opened the lid to my styrofoam cooler and saw nothing in it but melted ice.
"What the heck?!" I said. Then I realized I must have already drank them all myself. I had made a couple trips out here already.
"What? No Newcastle?" Sarah said. "What a stupid trick!"
"No wait! I really thougt there were more!" I pleaded. "It wasn't a trick."
But Sarah wouldn't believe me and she wouldn't let me have my way with her--that night, or the four years since.
5:40:12 PM 
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