Saturday, January 17, 2004

precious new love snuggle This is my precious new love snuggle, Whitney.  We met on Friendster, the hip new place to meet hip new people. For our first date we went to the Tampa Theatre to see 21 Grams.  On the phone Whitney said we should probably meet and talk outside a little bit before we go in. "Why? So you can run away and leave me if I turn out to be awful?" I said. "Yeah, but at least you could have two free tickets," she said. But when we met up in front of the theatre Whitney seemed pretty happy.  I was as happy as can be.  I thought she was cute as a button.  And she wasn't fat! 8:03:25 PM    comment []

I immediately employed one of my best strategies for first time dates: buy alcohol.  That's what's nice about the Tampa Theatre, you can get wine, and I think beer too. We were right in front of the concession stand when I said, "You want a glass of wine?" "Yeah, sure," she said, "but I don't think I have my fake ID--" "Sh-sh-sh-sh-shushhhhhhhhhhh!" I said.  "Just let me handle it.  (She's 20, not 17 by the way). I got us a couple glasses of merlot and after a little tour around the lobby we took our seats. 8:02:21 PM    comment []

Despite having big name, serious movie actors like Benicio Del Toro and Sean Penn, it was pretty obvious right away that 21 Grams was a ridiculous movie.  It was trying way too hard to be the most instense, most miserable, most morbid, most freak-you out all the time artsie movie of the year. Everyone else in the theatre was all deeply into it like they really got it and really appreciated it.  But Whitney and I couldn't really understand what the hell was going on.  I started to make little cracks and whisper little jokes about the movie as we drank our Merlot.  Each time I whipsered something to Whitney, my lips got a little bit closer to her ear.  The next thing you know we were making out.  When we took a break from making out we were really lost from the movie.  I kept making little jokes, but now that I was buzzed I wasn't very quiet anymore.  People started turning around and looking at us. "Hey, why don't we get out of here and go to the Hub?" I said. "You really want to?" Whitney asked. "Yeah, lets go." So we went. 8:01:07 PM    comment []

who cares about a stupid turtle?   One time I was playing with Jay Dipoala on the Boyd Hill Nature Trail playground.  While we were up on the fort, a couple of black kids came up to us all excited and wanted to show us this turtle they had found by the stream.            "Who cares about a stupid turtle?"Jay said.  I thought turtles were pretty neat myself  but I tended to go along with what Jay said and did.             The black kids went away with their turtle, but then a few minutes later a much bigger black kid came up to us.  The big black kid turned to me and asked which of the two bikes leaning against the oak tree was mine.             "The white one," I said, not really knowing what was going on.   Then the big black kid got on the other bike, which was a black motorcross and he rode away.  The black motorcross was Jay's bike.             Jay and I just stood there helplessly and watched the black kid ride away on his bike.  After a moment or two of silence I turned to Jay and said,             "Don't you want to go after him?"             "No, let him have his fun for a few minutes and then we'll go get my bike."             After fifteen minutes or so we went looking for Jay's bike, but it was nowhere to be found.  We went home to Jay's house and told his dad.  Jay's dad was a big macho man with bushy eyebrows and he yelled at Jay for letting some kid take his bike without at least putting up a fight.  Then Jay's dad yelled at me for not helping a friend when it really mattered.             A police report was filled out and everything but we never saw Jay's bike again.             By the way, this event was the inspiration for the formation of our Jedi Knights' Club, or JK Club.  Jay and I planned to train ourselves like Jedi Knights for the day that we would see the big black kid again and we would use our Jedi powers and skills to beat him up and exact our revenge.             For weeks we played the "Imperial March" (Darth Vader's theme) from the Empire Strike's Back soundtrack and ran around his family room and hit and kicked pillows and imagined that it was the big black kid who had humiliated us.  But we never saw the big black kid again and we never beat any body up with our Jedi training.   4:53:21 PM    comment []

secret and reclusive billionaire I am in secret negotiations with Bert Gordon, the reclusive and mysterious billionaire, over financing for the next Duh! project.  This morning he will be wiring me funds from his Swiss bank account as a kind of downpayment.  I will keep you posted as things develop. 11:26:46 AM    comment []

into the fire I picked my daughter up this morning from some sort of overnight Sunday school retreat downtown.  (The whole church thing is through her grandparents, I haven't been to church in years). She said that they had some sort of fire going, since it was a pretty cold night.  The Sunday school teacher was using newspaper to get the fire going.  Mariel said that the Sunday school teacher happened upon the section with my "today is canceled" newsarticle in it. "Look, Mariel.  There's your daddy," the Sunday school teacher said. "Cool," Mariel said. Then the Suday school teacher put my newspaper article in the fire. 11:22:38 AM    comment []

© Copyright 2004 Mark Michaels. Last update: 2/1/2004; 6:28:33 PM.