mr epstein's letter of recommendation
My senior year of high school I started to really crash and burn as a student after being an A/B student my whole life (talk about quitting right at the finish line).
Even though my grades were starting to drop and I was losing all interest in academics, I still got invited to join the National Honor Society that final year based on my established gpa. One of my requirements for getting into the NHS was a letter of recommendation from a teacher.
For some reason I chose Dan Epstein to write my letter of recommenndation, even though I was really slacking in Mr. Epstein's class. Mr. Epstein was this brilliant English teacher who should have been teaching post graduate work at an Ivy League school, but was instead, for some reason, teaching honors English in a high school in St. Petersburg. Mr. Epstein could speak French, German, Latin, Middle English and I think Swahili too. On top of that, he had read absolutely everything in the world and tended to make everyone around him feel kind of ignorant.
Mr. Epstein also had this really sharp, intellectual wit. He would crack on you and you might not figure out the joke for a few minutes, or you might never figure it out. There was a lot of head scratching in the classroom.
Anyway, I chose Mr. Epstein to write my letter of recommendation despite the fact that I was turning in papers late or not at all, and I think, failing his class. I guess I still figured he could see my great potential despite my lackluster efforts.
Mr. Epstein gave me this funny look when I asked him, but he agreed.
A few days later Mr. Epstein informed me that my letter was written. He handed it to me in an unsealed envelope.
"Thanks," I said, taking it and putting it away without looking at it.
"Don't you want to read what it says?" Mr. Epstein said. I took a peek at his handwriting, which was a fairly illegible scrawl.
"I didn't think I was supposed to?" I said.
"No, its okay. Let me read some it for you." Mr. Epstein took my letter of recommendation and began to read it in a very formal and dignified voice.
Mark Michaels is a student in my fifth period AP English course, he began. He often shows up to class and sits in his chair. Occasionally he brings a book with him and looks in the general direction of the lecture. He writes his work on high-quality, lined notebook paper. Sometimes, he staples the paper at the corner, other times he uses a paper clip. He is very proficient at placing the paper on the stack at the coner of my desk.
This absurd satire of a recommendation went on for 500 words or so.
In conclusion, I would like to say that Mark Michaels exists and will more than likely continue to do so.*
"Is that really what it says?" I asked Mr. Esptein.
"Yes, really," he said. "Do you still want to submit it?"
I thought about it a minute.
"Yeah, I'm gonna have to. There's really no time left to get another one."
I took the letter of recommendation and put it with the rest of my application and turned it in that day. A couple weeks later I was informed that I was going to be inducted into the National Honor Society. I went to this big ceremony and listened to these speeches about academic excellence and got this neat little certificate with some caligraphy on it. I even had my picture taken for the NHS page in the year book.
There were a bunch of NHS functions throughout the year, but I never went to any of them. When I graduated there was a little asterisk by my name on the program that said I was in the National Honor Society. A few months later I flunked out of college and bought a guitar and tried really hard to be a rock star.
*(that was the gist of the letter, anyway)
2:52:17 PM 
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