Saturday, January 31, 2004

honk! honk! When my kindergarten teacher suggested that I might have some sort of learning disorder, my mom got really indignant and yanked me out of public school and enrolled me in an expensive private school. At the private school I had to wear a special school uniform everyday.  Part of the private school uniform was a short sleeve, blue oxford with a button down front. It seemed like I was always late getting ready for school in the morning.  I would be late and rushing to get my blue oxford all buttoned up.  Sometimes after buttoning my blue oxford I would look at my shirt in the mirror and see that the buttons didn't line up.  One half of the shirt was way lower than the other half.  So I would unbutton the shirt and start over.  Sometimes when I fininshed buttoning my shirt the second time it would still be uneven, with one side hanging lower than the other.  I would stare at the buttons and wonder what I was doing wrong. Then I would hear the double-honk of the private school bus waiting out side.  Honk! Honk! The school bus would go. Then it would go HOOOOOOOOOOOONK!HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!! 7:55:15 PM    comment []

Guest blog by Mark's girlfriend Majoring in anthropology has really gotten me thinking about evolution.  Right now, I'm taking a biological anthropology class where we discuss the importance of the biological aspects and how they relate to the various cultures of humanity. One of the subjects we've been discussing is creationism.  Creationism is Christianity's answer to evolution.  Creationists believe the world is about 6,000 years old, that Adam and Eve were the first two humans and that Darwin is a whack job. As a non-Christian, I accept other people's views but realize that one can't ignore the facts.  Anyway, as I was sitting in class listening to a lecture by a Christian anthropoloist, I began to think about what the next step in human biology would be if creationism and evolution could be combined. I began to imagine that, through the processes of gentic mutation, a person was born with wings.  This person would then become the prophet that the Bible has been forcasting for thousands of years, whether or not he or she wanted to be.  This person would be forced to live up to a moral standard so high that he or she would probably break down and do something really crazy, like do a mass extermination of all humans who didn't have wings (which would be all of them). My theory is that the Christians would be flipping out, thinking this person is the next Christ, and that would make his mass extermination justified.  It would be kind of like Chuck Palanhuik's book Survivor, but on a much larger scale and with a lot more killing involved. Then, I went back to taking notes about Creationism.  1:57:45 PM    comment []

a post that was orignally lost when the power went out Sometimes I just stare at my computer screen and wait for blog ideas to come into my head.  This doesn't work too well.  When I  do this its suddenly like nothing has ever happned to me in my whole life.  I'll try to stir up ideas by thinking things like: something with a cat?  Has something interesting ever happened with a cat?  What about mud?  Did I ever fall in mud?  It seems like I would have to have fallen in mud at some point.  But there's nothing. This causes me to lapse back into checking my hits on the rankings page.  Damnit I should have way more than that. Then I go back to the editing page.  What about something at Mc Donald's?  Something funny must have happened at Mc Donald's.  No, damn.  I can't think of anything. Then I'll decide to go to McDonalds to get some french fries.  I grab my keys and head out of the house.  Then without fail, a bunch of funny ideas pop into my head as I'm driving.  Shit, I've got to get these jotted down.  I fumble for a pen and a scrap of paper as I'm driving and I'll swerve in and out of my lane almost hitting a minivan.  I've got to remember that too, almost wrecking while writing down ideas while I'm driving.  Then I'll jot down these scribbles on a notepad that's balanced on my steering wheel.  I just write little notes like, the chicken thing.  Or peanut butter on my chair.  I stuff the bits of paper in my pocket and go and get my french fries. When I get back I'll try to write a blog post about how I almost wrecked my car trying to jot  down blog ideas.  But when I get two words into it my friend Matt will call and we'll get into a long conversation about this and that.  Suddenly we both remember something that happened that was really funny.  I've got to remember that and post it before Matt puts it on his blog, I think and I make another scribble about the anecdote.  When I get off the phone with Matt I pull these little scraps of paper out of my pocket and put them with other scraps of paper on my desk.  They say things like, flat tire thing, or wedgie, or peed in my pants.  Then I'll write something that has nothing to do with all of the scraps of paper. The next thing you know its really late and I go to bed, feeling like there was a really great blog idea that I let get away.  Just when I get really comfortable and sleepy I'll get the greatest blog idea of all time.  I have got to remember that and write it first thing in the morning.  That's the best blog idea ever. But in the morning I wake up and I have no idea what the idea was.  Something with a shoe?  Bacon? No.  Damn, I have to keep a pen and a pad of paper by my pillow I think.  I find a scrap of paper and jot down, put pen and paper by bed, and then I put that scrap of paper in my pocket.   11:52:47 AM    comment []

mother necessity Besides the sofa and loveseat in my living room, I have two chairs in my house.  This is one of them.  I use it mostly when Matt comes over to fix something on my computer that has been befuddling me.  I used to sit on the floor, but it was kind of hard to talk to him and see what was going on.  So then I made this chair out of four paint buckets.  Patent pending. 11:30:01 AM    comment []

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