role models
 I didn't really learn to throw a football until last year (When I was 32). This might have something to do with the fact that I grew up with two sisters and my dad wasn't into football. When I was at school or out on a playground I didn't really want to learn through trial and error in front of other kids, so I just kind of avoided sports that involved throwing balls, including football.
But sometime last year I had this vague urge to get out of my house and do something besides drink beer. I went to the used sporting goods store with my friend Matt and pondered all the different sports stuff there was to buy. After handling footballs and soccer balls and basketballs, I finally got this giant tye-dyed frisbee. I imagined me and Matt sailing this giant frisbee across the park in graceful arcs that were hundreds of yards long. It seemed like the perfect way to break into the outdoor, active lifestyle.
But when we took the giant frisbee to the park it didn't work at all like I had imagined. When I threw it to Matt it didn't sail up into the air. Instead it turned on its side and rolled on the ground and then flopped over. We both tried to get the giant frisbee to work, but it just wouldn't. The giant frisbee sucked.
About twenty or thirty yards away there was this group of dudes playing touch football. I guess they saw what a crappy time we were having with the giant frisbee and they asked us if we wanted to join them.
I was kind of nervous about it because of the whole not knowing how to throw a football thing, but I didn't want to seem like a pussy either. So me and Matt joined the touch football squad. Before you know it we were having a really good time. I found out that I could catch and throw pretty good. Then I even ran one in for a touchdown and all my teammates were high-fiving me.
Football was really cool, I realized. Football was awesome!
That very same day I went back to the sporting goods store and returned the giant tye-died frisbee that didn't fly and got a nice official NFL football. Then me and Matt went back to his place and practiced throwing passes back and forth. I thought it was really cool the way the football would hit its target when you put some spin on it. I started throwing farther and farther across the field, seeing what the limit of my range and accuracy was.
Then while we were passing like this, this little kid came over from next door. He stood there watching me and Matt pass the football. It was obvious that he wanted to join in. I thought about my childhood and how I never had any confidence about throwing because I didn't have anyone to throw with. This kid looked like he needed some sort of role model too.
"You wanna play?" I said.
"Sure," the kid said with a smile.
Then me and Matt and the little kid formed a passing triangle. I started out throwing real easy passes to the kid. Mostly he would drop them and have to run and pick up the ball. Then when he threw the ball it would go straight down and bounce across the yard in the wrong direction. Either me or Matt would have to run and get the football.
We tried to show the kid what little we knew about throwing a football.
"Put your hand a little further back with your fingers on the laces," I said. "Then try to give it a little spin when you let it go."
But the kid didn't seem to get it. He just kept throwing the ball into the ground and into the street. What's more, the kid didn't really care. He seemed kind of proud the way he messed up throwing the ball. He started giving his mess-ups these silly and elaborate names.
"That's what I call my ground-skipper, tree-bouncer," the kid would say after he threw. And then it would be, "that's what I call my hit the car and into the road throw," after a pass with just those characteristics.
It was kind of cute at first, but then it started to get really old. Me and Matt looked at each other and exchanged the same thought without words.
"Well, we're gonna have to pack it in for the night," I announced very authoritatively, even though there was still plenty of daylight left. "But this was fun. We'll have to do it again sometime."
"Wait, now I'm gonna do my driveway-scraper, rolly-pollie!" the kid said. We let him have one more stupid throw and then I confiscated the football.
"Okay, we'll play again soon," Matt said to the kid. Then the kid shuffled off back to his yard.
"You wanna go back to the park?" Matt said to me.
"Just what I was thinking," I said.
Matt and I drove down to Crescent Lake Park and resumed our passing, unencumbered by the annoying kid.
"Man, what if we get really good at this?" I asked. "Can dudes in their thirties still start a career in the NFL?"
"I kind of doubt it," Matt said.
Then this little kid came over from the playground and started watching us throw.
"Can I play?" the kid asked hopefully after summoning up his courage.
"Closed game," Matt said.
2:57:54 PM 
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I used to get really excited about hit songs on the radio when I was a kid. One song that I got really excited about was "the devil went down to Georgia" by the Charlie Daniels Band.
When my ex-wife and I got married we had this extended honeymoon phase where we went out to a lot of bars and clubs and drank lots and lots of beer. I was making plenty of cash at the time with my tree trimming business so I didn't mind spending a hundred bucks or so every night on drinks.