private michaels
 As I have tried to explain before, I really didn't know exactly what I was getting into when I signed up for the United States Army at 17 years of age.
The first cold slap of reality came when the drill sergeant woke us up at 4:30 in the morning. There's something about screaming, and push-ups and flourescent lighting that's very unpleasant at this hour.
After doing our sit-ups and jumping jacks in moist, sandspur filled dirt we did our two mile run around Fort Jackson (Columbia, South Carolina).
Like everything else, we did our two mile run in orderly columns and rows. It was a lot like Stripes and every other army movie, with the drill sergeant singing things like,
"I don't know but I been told/Eskimo pussy is mighty cold," etc.
The army base was huge and there were columns of recruits running all over the place. I remember on the very first day my platoon kind of ran into this other platoon as we were running down this road in the dark. Everyone around me looked exactly the same, and they were all strangers to me, so it was about a quarter mile after we had bumped into this other platoon that I began to suspect that I wasn't in the right group of people anymore.
After a while I got this very bad feeling like I was in deep shit. Afterall, I knew it was a pretty big deal to go AWOL in the Army. Plus, they never really told us that we could raise our hand and bring up individual problems or concerns. The jist of it seemed to be to just shut up and do what you're told.
Finally, I cleared my throat and presented myself to this new drill sergeant whose platoon I had been shuffled into.
"Drill sergeant, Private Michaels requests permission to speak," I said.
"This isn't prison, soldier. You don't have to ask permission to speak!" the drill sergeant said.
"Yes, drill sergeant. Well, drill sergeant, I don't think I'm supposed to be in your platoon. I sort of got mixed in during the run this morning, drill sergeant."
"I knew that was going to happen one of these days," the drill sergeant said to another one of his sergeants.
"What company are you from Private?"
"Charlie company, drill sergeant."
"Man, you're a long way from home," the drill sergeant said. "What did you say your name was again?"
"Private Michaels, drill sergeant."
6:00:41 PM 
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Just in case you didn't believe that I built a giant monument to myself.
And now, to commemorate getting a scanner, here is a page of a cartoon I drew about fourteen years ago when I was really high.