 some vehicles i have owned
'84 Pontiac Sunbird My parents bought me this car when I was 19 because I was just sitting around the house all the time. I didn't know about changing the oil, so I never changed the oil. And when my wiper blades wore out, I just kept using them until the windshield was all scratched up and it was hard to see out of it. I wrecked this car on Fowler Avenue in Tampa while eating an egg McMuffin. The sun was just rising over the horizon in front of me and I ran through a red light and broadsided a car with a black family inside. Just before the moment of impact I had a fleeting thought about whether to save the egg Mcmuffin, or just chuck it. I just chucked it.
When I showed the car to the insurance adjuster a few days later, she asked me why the windshield was all scratched up like that. I told her about the worn out wiper blades and how I never changed them. The insurance adjuster lady looked really disgusted with me and made a note on her clipboard.
I guess my parents just pocketed the insurance check. They didn't get me another car and I rode a yellow bicycle for quite a while after that.
'73 Plymouth Duster This was the first car I got with my own money, and it cost about $400. It was pale yellow and had an imitation snake skin roof. Right away I had to spend $500 getting new brakes for it. Then one foggy morning an old lady smashed into me and the Duster was totaled.
My boss, Bob Bandit sent me to this chiropractor so I could get some money out of the accident. But when the chiropractor attached electrodes to my back it made my muscles spasm in a weird way and I never went back.
'85 Chevy Silverado Pick-up The engine blew up after I'd paid it 75% off and the "buy-here/pay-here" towed it away when I stopped paying for it and put a repossession on my credit record.
'77 Dodge Dually crew-cab The engine blew up within a month or so of purchase, but I had bought it cash, outright, so it didn't get repoed. I had the engine rebuilt by a man with a box strapped to his ankle that told his probation officer where he was at all times.
'73 F-600 Dump Truck It worked like a dream, and I paid off the loan, even though I was paying the legal limit of interest in the state of Florida. Then one day I turned in front of a speeding Cutlass Supreme with a whole family of mexicans inside. The Cutlass Supreme was smashed, while my dump truck only got a slightly bent bumper, or so I thought. A few days later my front right tire blew out because the alignment had been knocked screwy.
Kawasaki 550 motorcycle I tired to keep this motorcycle a secret from my parents while living at home by storing it at a storage space. But then my title came in the mail and my secret was out.
Yamaha 750 motorcylce I bought this bike after my girlfriend at the time said how much fun it would be if we could ride a motorcycle to a bikefest in Kentucky where all you do is drink beer and stay high all day long. But my girlfriend broke up with me before we could go to the bikefest. The motorcycle sat and rotted for months at my friend Mark Schuh's house. Then I told my friend Howard Pryor that he could use it for his road trip to Mexico which also never happened. Finally, the Yamaha got disassembled and left in a big house in Roser Park along with a lot of dog shit and abandoned furniture.
Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham stretch limousine After I sold my tree business I decided to try to start a limousine business, and I bought this Cadillac for $10,000. When I told my friend Jason White about my big purchase he said,
"What's your marketing plan?"
I was completely silent.
'92 Mustang 5.0 This was my favorite car I ever had. When I got my first credit card I went out and spent $1,000 on chrome rims for it. They weren't even the exact kind of rims I wanted, but they were the best ones in the automotive store at the time.
Chrysler I bought for $150 I figured I was about to have my Toyota pick-up repoed at any time, so I bought this piece of shit which had mud and leaves and cigarette butts on the floor boards. I cleaned it and painted it and armoralled the tires and it didn't look half bad.
'95 Chevy Z-28 six speed Just when I about had my Mustang paid off, I had to go and get in debt with this speed demon. I remember the bank lady gave me a dirty look when I withdrew a few thousand dollars from my wife and I's savings account for a down-payment.
Then after I cheated on my wife, and our marriage was ruined, I decided that a red, flashy, covertible sports car was just extra evidence that I was an asshole, so I traded it in for a little Toyota truck.
'98 Toyota Tacom pick-up I got further and further behind in payments. Pretty soon I quit paying for it. Wells Fargo Bank would have repossessed it but they didn't know where I lived. Finally, my dad paid it off.
(current up to 2002)
(from Beautiful Loser, 2002)
8:11:48 PM 
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My dad used to be really into Bob Dylan back in the 70s. He would play his Bob Dylan 8-Tracks over and over again in our living room.