the bacon epiphany
This morning me and Rachel went to Munch's on the southside. I had the munchburger combo with a coke. Rachel had cinnamon toast and bacon and hashbrowns. The waitress dropped some of Rachel's bacon on the ground so she went back to the kitchen and got a couple more pieces.
This is a new thing that Rachel eats bacon. She's kind of obsessed with it, and talks about it constantly with a dreamy look in her eyes. This is particularly weird since Rachel used to go on and on about how pigs were such vile and disgusting creatures.
"They eat garbage and fuck their mothers," Rachel would always say while sipping a vodka tonic and puffing a menthol.
Then one day I forgot, or misunderstood that I had a lunch date with Rachel at her Ybor city apartment. She had made some sort of wrap type thing with bacon in it. When she found out I wasn't coming over, Rachel threw the bacon in her cat's food bowl. Jimmy (the cat) proceeded to devour the bacon with such glee and enthusiasm that it really peaked Rachel's interest.
It was love at first taste. Rachel had an instant, orgasmic experience with the bacon and now eats it all the time and talks about it all the time. We think maybe the bacon might help her ass grow a little larger as well.
Anyway, I've been eating at Munch's for over twenty years now. They have this little dry erase board right by the front door when you walk in. It says, "If your name is ___________ your meal is free today."
Everyday, there is a different name on the board: Rose, Jacob, Zachary, etc. But after twenty years of eating there, its never said "Mark" and I've never eaten for free.
2:21:10 PM 
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