Wednesday, April 13, 2005

sort of like that scene from close encounters Sometimes, on certain nights, like tonight, when I've shoved all of my living room furniture into the corner, and I'm feverishly painting a half-dozen plywood boards with noxious, lead-based paint, as part of yet another obsessive project to make myself rich and famous....I feel sort of like Richard Dreyfuss in this scene from Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Fortunately, my wife already left me ten years ago, and my kid only has to put up with this on weekends. 9:08:45 PM    comment [] a classic "doh!" moment I had a classic "doh!" moment today.  I had a check (for the dept. of corrections) that absolutely had to make it to its proper address, so I decided to spend the five bucks to send it certified mail. I found a small and quaint post office in South Tampa and got in line (of about four people) and waited to get my super-important letter in the mail.  The line went by reasonably fast, and before you know it I was face to face with the elderly clerk lady. "You need to fill out those certified mail forms over there," she said pointing to a table of papers on the other side of the small room. So I lost my place in line and had to go fill out these forms.  No big deal--there was only one or two other people in the post office.  In another moment or two I was back in line with all of my forms properly filled out.  There was just one lady ahead of me, and I figured I would breeze through this in no time. That's when I saw this lady's stack of letters in front of me.  There must have been twenty of them.  "I want to sent these certified mail, please," she said. "All of them?" the clerk lady said, eyeing the thick stack. "Yes, please." That's when an echoing, Homer Simpson "DOH!" of ten billion, supersonic decibels pierced the unviverse, rocked the little post office to its foundation, and reverberated through my bones. Judging from the amount of time it took this other old timer to do his three certified letters, I was in for  a long wait. This lady, acutely aware of the hardship that she was about to put the other customers in line through, even offered to step aside while she affixed all of the certified stickers, and other paper- shuffling mumbo jumbo, herself. "Well, you're already in my computer," the elderly clerk said (totally obvlious to the plight of other customers in line). And then came the double-DOH! of a force of fivebillion hydrogen bombs, mixed with the falling of the twin towers, and the Hindenberg disaster, and the eruption of Mount St. Helens, multiplied by the speed of light, plus infinity. I stood there, 2nd in line, for a long, goddamn time. (prologue: when I finally got up to the elderly clerk lady again, she said, "you forgot to put your address on the envelope." That's when a triple-DOH, so huge, so massive, so..............................................) 5:43:29 PM    comment [] cliff's notes version of "a classic 'doh!' moment" And now, here's a Cliff's Notes Version of the preceding post, for the schedule-challenged blog fan: a classic "doh!" moment, by Mark Michaels, Copyright 2005, The Legend of Mark Michaels, dot com. During a visit to the post office, Mark loses his place in line, and must wait much longer than originally expected.  The emotion produced by the experience, was comparable to the way Homer Simpson, of Fox Television's, "The Simpsons", feels when he has a sudden, or unexpected disappointment. 5:42:04 PM    comment [] dreams I had this dream where Michael Jordan had gone on some sort of murderous, shooting spree.  He was then captured and held in detention in my grandmother's screened in pool area.  I was part of a police, psych squad that observed and questioned him. Of course, he really didn't look like Michael Jordan that much in the dream, and every now and then he would change into a white guy.  This other investigator asked me if I had any ecstasy to give Michael, and I pulled what looked tiny, little rolled up pieces of gum out of my pocket and gave it to him. I really have no idea what that dream was all about.  (Although, before or after that dream, I had another one about the Red Lake shootings.  This time it was at the most tense moment, when they were trying to get the kid to give himself up.  The kid (Weiss?) had hijacked a school bus and was riding around on the school track and field with hostages.  I was one of the hostages and was in grave fear of being shot at the last moment. Somehow, they got the kid to give himself up. 7:53:27 AM    comment []

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