Tuesday, May 24, 2005

traffic school Here's a nice misty, dusk view along the Hollywood sign, about 7:15, Pacific time. Meanwhile, here in St. Pete, I just spent the last four hours sitting through the tepid hell of traffic school (again), trying to keep points off my license. My class had all of the stereotypical characters: *The Dorky instructor:  who has a full-time day job, and two other part time jobs, but still teaches traffic shool for 15 hours a week at night and on weekends (even though he has a slew of rental properties in St. Petersburg). He spent a good twenty minutes explaining his "snack policy" to the class.  His snack policy is that you're allowed to "bend the rules" and bring a soda into class, but if you spill it, you and the rest of the class are forbidden from bringing in any more sodas for the rest of the course.  (Oooh!) He said he used to allow food snacks in class, but students always bought the "noisy" snacks from the vending machine, and so that "priviledge" is no longer allowed. Air-head girl:  Right in front of me was the standard air-head girl with a twist.  This is the girl that always wants to raise her hand and participate and say everything on her mind, but everything on her mind is really stupid and really just serves to make everyone else snicker and glance at each other and roll their eyes. This girl had a "twist" because all she kept talking about was her "past" drug addiction.  (She just got out of a treatment center about 2 days ago.)  Even if we were talking about turn signals or the rules for a 4-way stop, it always seemed to relate back to her drug addiciton for this girl, and how she was totally clean now, and that drugs are super, super terrible. sideways baseball cap cut-up dude:  This guy is the likable stoner who is always slouching, and is kind of funny, even though he has very average intelligence.  the homies:  These are the cool black dudes from the south side that wear a lot of gold and sit together. When the dorky instructor asked one of the homies if he'd ever been to jail (for a traffic offense), the homey rattled off a list of multi-year sentences in state prison. dorky instructor: well, once you went to prison once, why did you wan't to go back? homie: whatchu mean, 'why'd I wanna go back?' I din't wanna go back! dorky instructor: Yeah, but why did you do something to get arrested again? homie: man, I just did what I did. Turned left when I shoulda gone right! dorky instructor: Yeah, but why did you want to keep going to prison? homie: damn man! The dorky instructor was so dorky he couldn't compute the homies life situation at all. dale earnhart cap redneck dude: I'm  gonna get married in three weeks.  My fiance's got three kids in Texas that she's trying to get custody of, so I'm trying to get my life back together for that. (He was also a tree climber dude that just got out of jail). standard stuck in the 80s mullet dude:  This was a fat guy that sported oakley sunglasses up in his mullet and wore a big surf t-shirt.  He told some story about how he got pulled over and ticketed, when it was actually the mustang next to him that was going 102 miles per hour. When asked what his job was, he said that he used to do air-conditioning and refirgerator repair, until he got injured.  Apparently he does nothing now. blogger/guerilla billboard artist/liberal arts educated eccentric dude:  This is the guy that secludes himself in his head and passes judgement on everyone, thinking that he is superior; and that he will redeem this colossal waste of time by writing about it on the internet and eventually use it as entertaining fodder to become rich and famous. Anyway it was a long miserable class.  For the last hour they just showed us an anti-drug video (hosted by Liza Gibbons) where lots of teenagers are dying or overdosing or getting arrested for using drugs.  After seeing the error of their ways and the total horror of the lifestyle all of the teenagers repent and say that they're not going to use drugs anymore cause its just stupid and it hurts everyone around them that they love. The class isn't even for DUI or DWI arrested people, but still somehow they know they we're all doing lots and lots of drugs. Somehow they know.     10:14:36 PM    comment []

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