I challenge Jason Mulgrew.....

To a drinking contest in South Philly....

On Saturday, August 13, 2005, of the witching hour, that is, Midnight....

When we sit at the table....

The shots will already be poured in Dylan Thomas and John Bonham proportions....

May the best

MAN

WIN

.

7:14:53 PM    

oh here's a question for you guys:

I've been planning to do my next billboard in New Orleans, pretty much just becuase its a major city that people have heard of, and its only ten or twelve hours away (by car).

But riddle me this batpeople:  are there actually any billboards in New Orleans?  I've had two people now tell me (Rachel and Mariel) the Big Easy isn't really much of a billboard city.  Like there's really almost none there.  So, if you know there's not, please let me know so I can pick another city, like.....Baltimore?  D.C?  Nashville?  Chickenville?

3:09:35 PM    

the carrotwood tree lives yet

I went over to my friend's house at the appointed time, but I could tell right away that something was wrong.  He hadn't moved the fence section like he was supposed to (for easy cutting and removal) and his nose was all sniffly and bleeding like he'd been up all night.

He told me his neighbors weren't cool with buzzing chainsaws this holiday weekend as there were some out of town relatives sleeping in.  I say you have the right to work on your own property no matter what the circumstances, but it was his call.

He offered me the money anyway, saying it was payment in advance, and being desperate I took it immediately without all the, oh no, I couldn't possibly shit.

Now I'm in debt one Carrot tree removal job, along with all of my conventional debts.

Anyway, Rachel and Mariel are out clothes shopping for the afternoon, and I have the whole house and afternoon to myself. 

But I really have no idea what to do with myself.  So I'm just sitting here with a beer at my computer (after four beers already).  Maybe that could be a new wrinkle to the blog:  Mark Michaels the online drunk (dot com).  I drink at least a six pack and then ramble on about the stuff that drunk people ramble on about.

And hey you bastards!  What happened to my donations for the paper towel shirt project?  I only got like six  dollars and then nothing.  Well, I'm not letting you guys off the hook so easily.  I actually went out and bought paper towels and everything.

I'll tell you what: just give me another five dollar paypal donation and I'll at least do the next step in making my paper towel shirt.  Like, I'lll cut the basic out line, or at least open one of the rolls or paper towlels.

Also, if you don't like the paper towel shirt project, I 've got another one for ya:

Give me a $20 paypal donation and I'll put some sort of giant inflatable animal on the 90 foot water tower by my house.  That's worth $20 all day long--to say that you financed the guerilla placement of an inflatable animal on a giant water tower--the biggest in St. Petersburg--with a few clicks of the keyboard.   

Come on, now.  I'm just going to sit on my computer all day long and drink beer and wait for some sort of response, hopefully money.

(P.s. if this is the police, or my family reading this, please disregard.  It's all just made-up nonsense).

(oh, and if you haven't noticed already, I'm trying to make some extra cash from bang bros. dot com with sign-up bonuses.  I mean, you can't blame me.  You bastards never give me any money for my artwork so now I have to resort to smut and porn and gutter tactics).

(But this probably means that I can never be president of the United States.  Which was probably a given about twenty years ago).

2:38:44 PM    

Today I'm going to chop down my friend's Carrotwood tree.  He wants to chop down the tree because it it smells like rotting flesh at some point during the season when it drops all its stuff on the ground.

I want to chop down his Carrotwood Tree because rent is due and I only have 1/3 of my rent in the bank and its already the 2nd of the month.

Between those two things, the Carrotwood Tree definitely will not see another day.

I only have 1/3 of my rent because I spent all my money on a trip to the Bahamas and a sailboat.  The trip to the Bahamas was cool, but now its pretty much just a hazy collection of memories that allows me to say: oh yeah, I've been there, when someone brings up the Bahamas.

I still have the sailboat, but I still can't get the outboard motor to run.  Without the outboard motor my sailboat is pretty much just a bobbing, fiberglass couch.  My dream was to take my bobbing fiber glass couch into Tampa Bay on the 4th of July and watch the fireworks explode above me while I drink a twelve pack f beer.

To make my outboard motor run, I either need a motor expert to come and show me something simple that I'm doing wrong, or I need to take it off the boat and haul it to a fix-it place and pay hundreds of dollars to fix it. 

But I can't pay hundreds of dollars to fix it now because I spent all my money on the fiber glass couch and the hazy memories of the Bahamas that let me say, "oh yeah, I've been there."  Also, all the fix-it people are very busy because everyone's having their motors fixed so they can sit out in the bay and watch the fireworks explode over their heads (and drink 12 packs of beer).

Rachel seems to think that if we invite my friend with the Carrotwood tree onto my fiberglas couch, we can make him paddle us out into Tampa Bay and watch the fireworks that way.

8:23:59 AM