wow! i'm really offended by that

Me and Rachel went out to dinner last night at a waterfront place called Frescoes.  It's owned by this kid that I went to St. Pete Junior College with 15 years ago who was working his ass off, investing in stocks and buying properties while I was jerking off in my bedroom and having delusions that I was Jim Morrsion.

Anyway, we just made it into the dining room before they closed up shop last night.  I was still kind of buzzed from drinking beers that afternoon, so I tried to make a fine dining joke to our very hip and dignified waiter.

He asked us if we wanted any appetizers after our drinks to which I said something like:

"I sure wouldn't mind a bloomin' onion."

That was supposed to be funny since Frescoes is a unique, local dining establishment that prides itself on being something better than all the corporate chain restaurants which dominate the area: Outback, Carrabas, Bonefish, Bennigans, etc...

I don't think our waiter found that funny, be he still tried to play along:

"I think I'd have to go to Chilis for that, which is two dollars more."

Ha.

Anyway, I was famished from doing a big tree trimming job that day, so I wolfed down this dish called Chicken Frescoe, which was chicken and pasta and roasted peppers and various things.  I also increased my buzz by sucking down 3 or 4 more heinkens, while Rachel worked on her Vodka tonics.

By the time we were finished with our entrees, I had another silly joke that bubbled up in my mind.  But this one was a little more extreme, perhaps because of all the drinks in my system. And because our waiter sported a "hip" haircut, tatoos, and looked vaguely like Perry Ferrell, I thought he would appreaciate the tasteless humor on the tip of my tongue.  All I needed was for him to ask us if we wanted desert.

And when he did, I said with great earnestness and sincerity:

"Yes, could you please bring us a small saucer with six, evenly sized lines of coke on it."

Our very hip and dignified waiter did somewhat of a double-take.

"Coke?" he repeated incredulously. "Wow. I'm really offended by that.  I mean if you knew how many thousands of women and children are murdered in South America each year by the drug cartels.  I just can't believe you..."

Then he kind of caught himself, and realized he had gotten too flapped up and preachy over a stupid joke.  So then he tried to play it off.

"You should do crystal meth instead.  It's made in America.  No one gets killed.  Much worse for you though."

Needless to say he didn't bring us any coke or crystal meth.  But I tipped our waiter a couple extra dollars for the two stupid jokes.

8:47:07 PM