crash!

Another break-up, another broken window.

I hadn't even gotten around to fixing the windows that my girlfriend from two years ago had smashed.  I just yanked out the broken shards and filled up the space with packing tape (which has held up remarkably well, I might note).

Now Rachel has gone and busted out a couple of  panes for herself.  I almost have a tic-tic-toe.

At this rate I probably should hold off doing any repairs until all of the glass is smashed out, about four relationships from now.

*I can sort of understand how a chick would smash glass in the heat of the moment, its kind of dramatic and probably pretty cathartic.  But why do they smash my poor porch plants?  I mean, they're just these sad little weeds that have managed to survive on my porch, despite my neglect and disinterest.  They just sit there so innocently in their pots, not hurting anyone, and then suddenly this crazy bitch comes and smashes them on the ground and throws their dirt everywhere.

I can just imagine these little purple plants thinking, what did I do?

*You're welcome to read Rachel's rambling and semi-coherent account of our break-up last night.  Apparently she thinks she's really "bad ass" for punching me in the face, breaking out my windows (which caused my 10 year old daughter to get a deep cut on the bottom of her bare foot), and destroying other personal property.  She basically let loose the sociopathic monster that was always lurking within her.

But before she pats herself on the back too much she might want to consider this:

*When she finally goes to trial for her DUI, drug possession, and paraphenalia charges, the sheriff's department is going to release her $1,500 in bond.  The only snag is that the check will be made out to Mark T. Michaels, (yours truly, the legend). 

Doh!

That's because I was the one that bailed her out of the Orient Rd. jail.  Apparently they always make the check out to the person that physically brings the cash to the jail.

(Oddly enough, I was in the exact same situation last year.  I was arrested based on a totally false accusation from a tree customer (seriously!)  And had to put up $2,000 dollars in bond money.  And eventhough the cash was mine and my girlfriend at the time told the sherriff's office that this was the case, they still insisted on releasing the check in her name.  It's just their policy.

(I think they do this just to fuck with criminals).

Anyway, by the time they dismissed the case a year later, this girl was no longer my girlfriend.  And when I asked her to do me the simple favor of cashing the check at the local Bank of America, she used the occasion to bitch at me one last time.

"I've reevaluted our relationship," she started out.

Anyways, I got back at her by putting one of my "duh" stickers on her stupid little pick-up truck while she was standing in the teller line.

5:08:44 PM