Saturday, March 12, 2005
10:15:26 AM | 
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Private Contractors and Their Wads of CashMore evidence
of the benefits of "privatization." Millions of dollars handed out in
cash, with handwritten receipts, in basements across Iraq. I've heard
from private security contractors (we know a couple) that this was
standard practice in Afghanistan at the start of the war too (and
perhaps continues...I have no idea). The contractors were given wads of
cash by the CIA to hand out for "development" projects with no need to
keep records. What a mess. 9:59:21 AM | And now we know our trade deficit is the second largest ever. That combined with the outrageous national debt, our reckless spending, and we've got a cheery economic future, eh? I just love how the conservatives show their shame and yet aren't held accountable for any of it. Not so different from the "reds" of Stalin. Hmm.
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Becoming the Army WifeThere is something truly surreal about finding yourself a thirty-something progressive with a husband off at war. 1:01:34 AM | I'm still trying to adjust to being an "Army wife." Yes, I know that's not all I am, but it is part of what I am now. He's only been out of the country a month or so, after six weeks of training in Texas. Over the past two and a half months, I've gone from being sad and a bit angry, to embarrassed, to feeling like all I wanted to do was distract myself, to now, a little sad, a little angry, and most of all motivated to work toward changing what upsets me the most: our government. The embarrassed phase was the worst; I isolated myself (and I've still not completely gotten out of it -- most of my old friends here in Chicago have no idea I'm back because I've not contacted them) because I couldn't explain how my husband, who is so against this administration, could end up fighting in one of their wars. ( Do I have to say that this made me angry at myself? How could I feel this way?) And I hated how people asked me how S was doing all the time (and sometimes asking me about me -- couldn't they see that I didn't want to talk about it at all?). I particularly didn't want to talk to anyone who didn't know already. Frankly, I hardly know anyone who has a friend, let alone a husband, in the military (even the National Guard like S). I feel like both some kind of curio and an instant "expert," neither of which is all that comfortable. And I really, really hate most of that "military family" stuff that I saw in Texas. It's left me feeling a little lost. What I find that I want most, though, is to do everything I can to make this as easy and stress-less for S as possible. (Perhaps I want to focus on him to avoid focusing on me. I don't know.) Before he left I made it my personal mission to make sure he had everything he needed (and a few things I thought he'd want). I needed to feel in control of something, even if it was only the stuff he took with him. (How ridiculous! I don't even recognize myself sometimes.) Now it's email, care packages, phone calls. (Our T-Mobile cell works in Afghanistan, though before S bought a SIM card there a few days ago, we were paying $4.99/minute for every call. Price gouging, war profiteering, call it whatever you want. Apparently it's affecting the entire country, with out-of-proportion prices on everything from hotel rooms to taxi rides.) We still don't know how long he will be there. He could come home as soon as August (when the first half of his unit is due home), or, more likely, not for another year. Given the stories that he's told me since being activated, I doubt anyone knows how long he will stay. The level of disorganization is stunning. I hope to be able to share some of those stories during the upcoming months, those that will not put S in danger of being reprimanded or punished. What a life! Truly la vida loca...
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Last update: 7/17/05; 10:11:33 AM .
