During the last election, S put a ranger sticker on the back of our car and just underneath it a John Kerry sticker. He wanted everyone to know that he was in the military but supported Kerry, not Bush, who S saw as the ultimate frat boy-yahoo leader, a man who was only capable of talking tough, not acting it, since he was full of arrogance that had never been tested. About three months ago I took the Kerry sticker off and put up one for Operation Truth, the OIF/OEF veterans advocacy organization that has done so much for VA funding, particularly for PTSD. Today, though, I took them all off.

My mother called me in the afternoon fuming over a report she'd heard on NPR. The anti-Cindy Sheehan protesters sent to Crawford by Move America Forward, that neo-fascist organization responsible for the "I heart Gitmo" paraphernalia, apparently arrived today and set up a counter-Camp Casey down the road with pro-war slogans and banners. "How can anyone be pro-war?" my mother asked me. I told her that, in my opinion, it was easy to be pro-war if you were a fascist, because the fascist model relies on endless war. It was supporters of Franco, after all, who shouted "Viva la muerte!" at their rallies, holding up death with such high regard that they bombed their own people, ushering in a whole new form of "total war" where civilians were targeted rather than spared.

Our conversation made me upset about these "pro-war" protesters too, so upset that I went out to our car and scraped off all of our stickers. I didn't want anything about war on my car anymore. Nothing that was associated with killing. It made me feel too sick to have them there, deep down sick. I scraped off our "Paracaidistas: Del cielo a la mision" sticker we'd bought at an Army surplus store in Puebla, Mexico. I scraped off the ranger sticker. And I even took off the Operation Truth sticker, because while I support them, they aren't a partisan, anti-war organization and today I felt very, very anti-war, and very partisan.

Ever since Move America Forward had their 'Operation Truth Tour' in Iraq's Green Zone (you know the one where they talked to a handful of troops handpicked by the Bush administration) I've been a little leary of having my Operation Truth sticker on my car. It wasn't fair that those fascist yahoos stole the name from an honorable organization, but the reality was that I could be associated with them, and since I consider them my enemy, that made me uncomfortable. To make matters worse, there have been a number of "conservative" (are they really conservative when they follow a leader who believes in huge government?) commenters on Op Truth's blog lately, and I've been foolish enough to spar with them. I constantly call them out on their refusal to serve in this war. Some have served in the military before, but they're not too old to serve again, I remind them. They insist that others fight for them, shrouding themselves in faux-patriotism, and talk of the troops as if they were a different species, more "brave" and "honorable" than the rest of us. This kind of exceptionalism is dangerous and dishonest. They say this because they're too scared to fight themselves but they're aware that we need to recruit more soldiers if this war is to be sustained. "I'm not brave enough to serve in this war," is what they say, "but you are! Go fight for us, brave one!" The wacko commenter I had this past week on my blog went so far as to say he couldn't believe a "brave soldier" like my husband could marry "a traitorous whore" like me after I challenged him to go fight the war himself. Nice, eh?

My tolerance level ebbs and flows. Sometimes I just can't take it anymore and I need to shut it out for a few days. This tends to happen when I haven't heard from S for a while and I'm getting nervous for his safety. I know all of us liberals have to keep up our arguments against the radical right, but it's just so sad that we have to make the same simple arguments over and over again, and that we're met with the same pathetic, meaningless (and thoughtless) rhetoric. It is absurd to be "pro-war." And it is cowardly to "support" a voluntary war being fought by (mostly) volunteer soldiers, and to not volunteer to fight yourself. How many stop-lossed soldiers would love to come home, if only there were soldiers to replace them!

When I'm feeling generous I blame their ignorance on their fear of death. 9/11 scared the crap out of people, especially those who hated New York beforehand and called it the root of America's immorality (remember that?). They are so afraid to die they want others to die. Yes, it's illogical. Christopher Hitchens is the very definition of this sort of chickenhawk. On the Daily Show the other day, he sat across from Jon Stewart practically shaking out of nerves and frustration as Stewart tore him apart, pointing out his inconsistencies and irrationalities. Hitchens' fear was palpable through the television screen. I would have felt sorry for him if his ideology weren't so dangerous and deadly. Tens and tens of thousands already dead because of it. Outrageous.

When I'm feeling less generous, which is most days, I blame their support of the war and Bush on their bigotry and their greed. Surprisingly, some on the right are beginning to say what they mean, including that they believe all muslims should be killed and that this is a war against Islam. Others insist that it is for the oil but that this is good, because the US should be self-interested and there is nothing wrong with making war for the procurement of natural resources. When I think of the "pro-war" protesters in Crawford I think of the men and women who paraded in opposition to Dr. King, holding up racist epithets on handpainted signs, stapled to 1x1s. They are their intellectual heirs.

Perhaps I wouldn't feel so angry at them if we weren't living in a one-party country. Sadly, we have already become a fascist state, I fear, because we have no opposition party. It's as if the democrats have been living in Cheney's bunker the past five years, so afraid to be hit with Rove's taser they've tied gags around each other's mouths. I feel like I am a woman without a party, and in that way stateless. It is shameful that a grieving mother has to be our spokesperson, that our politicians, our elected representatives, have chosen to hide away and say nothing. In their silence they do not speak for me.

I'm confident S will not be upset with me for removing the stickers. He's had it with the military. He's sick of it and he's still got months more to go after his two week break. Perhaps I will regret taking off the Operation Truth sticker, and perhaps I will buy another. But not for a little while. I need a break. If I get another sticker in the next few weeks, it will be about peace. I want to help create a better world, not a worse one. I'm sick of war. I am desperate to end it.

Here are a couple of interesting links for this weekend:

The Heretik has been blogging about the chaos that has taken over Haiti since our orchestrated coup against Aristide over a year ago. Many have been killed, including dozens murdered with machetes in the middle of the soccer stadium just a week ago. The UN is already there, but apparently they have contributed to the violence, not suppressed it. One would be hard-pressed to find information about this in the mainstream media.

And here is a new photo exhibit by Doctors without Borders (MSF) about Afghanistan, a country they served for 24 years before our invasion made it too unsafe for them to stay. In 2004, five MSF workers were assassinated, which led to the organization's pull-out. Since our invasion in 2001, there had been a mingling of military and humanitarian action across Afghanistan. MSF is not a political organization, and when they are used for political gain by any side in a conflict, their volunteers suffer. It was less safe for them to work under our occupation than it was under the Taliban. Some day I'll write about my good friend Rebecca and her incredible work with MSF in western Africa, where she is headed this week. She is one of the bravest, most truly courageous people I've ever known. She is the reason I went down to New Orleans last week, to see her before she left. I already miss her and her passionate heart.