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Wednesday, October 12, 2005 |
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well. well well well. seems i'm ignoring the blog again. i'm wondering if this is because i'm thinking of winding down here. or because i'm so busy i can't even think about blogging. or because i can't write here about the things i really, really want to write about. for example, and this is in a nutshell: there's a man i see frequently--not `see' as in date, see as in run into--and he reminds me so much of a man i knew in college, when i was a freshman and he was a senior. he was older and warm and blond and and a sculptor, a kind man who spent the night with me when my grandfather died, with warm candles lit in his room, then shared his toothbrush with me in the morning. as i came home from my studio this evening, i talked aloud to myself, writing the story as i remembered it. but, again, there are those people who read GG and delight in my misfortune. they will delight in the fact that i never ended up with the sculptor, and that i won't likely end up with the man i run into because, for reasons i'm not offering right now, men like him don't date women like me. but again, too much information for the evil trolls. ergo, that's all the story you're getting. sorry. i'm having other issues as well, personal ones i'd normally share here. sorry, not sharing. you may have noticed that i no longer write about my dating adventures, except peripherally. same reasoning: spiteful trolls. someday, i will out the spiteful trolls. but not right now, because it's not prudent. so the fun and wild parts of my life, or many of them, are kept hidden inside my over-active brain. that's a treat. am working with my shrink to find a way to quiet my brain. no easy task. ever have an overactive brain? all the time? yeah, not so fun. i've succeeded, with the help of my trusty ipod, to work at the pottery wheel without too many brain interruptions. and my walking has helped some, though i don't tend to walk with the ipod when it's dark out... maybe if i join the Y, which i may. regardless, baby steps. when i said this to my therapist, something like "and i'm supposed to wear my ipod for the rest of my life?" she told me that i always do this, look at the bigger picture when i can start by refocusing on small things. this, i imagine, is why it's called cognitive behavioral therapy. the shrink is also a hypnotist... that could be curious. and i have a stack of remote TV experiences coming up; my dear and sassy friend sally, a fashion stylist, is taking me shopping so i don't look hopelessly unfashionable. they had better provide hair and make-up. then, the next day, the shoot for the magazine i'm doing the fitness program for. ack. those fat finding pinchy calipers had better show a difference. so, that's where i am. four weeks and one day shy of 40. stalled at five pounds. wondering where a dear friend who wrote occasionally and visited this site daily has gone (hey, pottery guy, are you out there? hmmmmmmmmm). and i've sold 8 pots. baby steps.
time to get your holiday orders in, folks. i'm just saying. |
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©
Copyright
2005
alyssa ettinger. |
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