From Those Were the Days:

1939 - Mr. District Attorney was heard for the first time on NBC Radio. The serial about the ‘champion of the people’ was originally a 15-minute nightly program. In June of 1939, the program went to a half-hour weekly format. Mr. District Attorney aired until 1953.

1942 - People Are Funny was first heard this day on NBC Radio. Art Baker was the show’s first host. Art Linkletter took over the popular program on radio in 1943 and later moved it to television.

1949 - Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis debuted on radio in an NBC program that ran until 1953.
9:23:21 PM    comment []  trackback []  

“Strawberry, RASPBERRY, cherry, orange, lemon and lime…”

Continuing with Day 3 of our Jack Benny salute, I listened to an April 24, 1938 broadcast that features a wonderful musical-comedy spoof of Walt Disney’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. After bantering with his cast with a series of jokes on the topic of Daylight Savings Time, Jack announces before the play begins that because the cast is too tall to play “dwarves,” they’re going to be gangsters instead (Jack: “I’m as tough as any of those movie gangsters, ain’t I, Mary?” Mary: “Yeah, you’re a regular Edward G. Buttercup…”)

“Snow White and the Seven Gangsters” is a very funny take-off of Disney’s classic and landmark animated feature, but this particular Benny show has earned a little notoriety of its own of a different nature—in the play, Snow White (Mary) is lost in the forest and she says “Hello” to a little bird. The bird responds with an obnoxiously loud Bronx cheer, which convulses both the cast and the audience, leading to about twenty-eight seconds of laughter, which just may be the longest in the history of the Benny show. (When the mirth subsides, Jack wisecracks: “That canary is somewhat of a critic.”) I was very impressed with this program, in addition to comic re-workings of Heigh-Ho, Someday My Prince Will Come and Whistle While You Work, the show’s tenor vocalist, Kenny Baker, sings a great version of One Song, one of the tunes from Snow White that often gets lost in the shuffle.

The line-up of dwarves is played by members of the Benny cast: Jack is Doc, Don Wilson plays Happy, Phil Harris is Sleepy, Andy Devine as Bashful, and Kenny Baker plays (who else?) Dopey. Schlepperman (Sam Hearn) plays Prince Charming (he wants to take Snow White to his “castle in the Catskills”) and veteran comic actress Elvia Allman (Abbott & Costello, Burns & Allen) is cast in the role of the wicked stepmother, Agatha Witch:

WITCH: Now listen, Snow…I don’t want you to go out with him anymore…he’s just after your money…

MARY: So are you!

WITCH: Well, I saw you first!

(snip)

WITCH: I’ll put a stop to this affair, you little fool…here, have an apple…

JACK: Don’t take it, Snow White! It’s poisoned!

WITCH: Stay out of this, you kibitzer!

MARY: He’s right, stepmother—this apple is poisoned!

WITCH: It is not!

MARY: Then why is that worm waving a red flag?!!

After that, a March 12, 1939 program that has the distinction of being Mel Blanc’s debut on the Benny show—although it was a rather inauspicious one, as he was hired to supply the growls of Carmichael, Jack’s pet polar bear (who was introduced on the show February 12). Blanc had, of course, made quite a name for himself as a vocal talent—supplying many of the voices for Warner Brothers’ famous cartoon characters, like Daffy Duck and Porky Pig, and he auditioned for Benny his repertoire of voices and dialects, to the comedian’s delight. Later, Blanc would “stretch” into character parts on the program, most notably the role of Professor LeBlanc, Jack’s violin teacher.

Carmichael would also become one of the classic Benny characters (he even makes an appearance in Benny’s 1940 comedy, Buck Benny Rides Again)—and the legend has it that the bear (who guarded Jack’s famed bank vault) once devoured the gas man, although no one really knows for certain. Most of the big laughs involving Carmichael were usually generated by Rochester (“Then what happened to the gas man???”), whose relationship with the bear was a tad on the prickly side, as in this phone conversation between him and Jack:

JACK: What’s the matter, is his cold still bad? (off phone) You know, Mary—he caught a terrific cold last week…how is he, Rochester?

ROCHESTER: Doggone that animal!

JACK: Did you give him that hot bath like I told you to?

ROCHESTER: Well, yes and no…

JACK: What do you mean, yes and no???

ROCHESTER: I got him in the bathroom and he got me in the tub!

JACK: Well, look—Rochester, there’s a mustard plaster in the cabinet, so you better put it on his chest…that’ll help…

ROCHESTER: On his chest? What about all that fur?

JACK: Well, naturally, you’ll have to shave the fur off…

ROCHESTER: Boss, if I ever get that close to him with a razor, I’m gonna get even…

JACK: Rochester, don’t you dare lay a hand on him…

ROCHESTER: Not if I want it back…

Jack is very concerned about his pet (Jack: “Gee, I hope there’s nothing seriously wrong with Carmichael…you know, I’ve become so attached to that bear—he’s just like a relative…” Mary: “Yeah—all he does is eat and sleep…”) and so he departs the show (leaving Don and Phil in charge) with Mary and Kenny to head home and attend to the sick animal (having an amusing run-in with Elliott Lewis, who plays a traffic cop):

JACK: How’s Carmichael—did you put him in bed like I told you to?

ROCHESTER: Yeah, boss—but I had a little trouble getting your pajamas on him…

JACK: Pajamas? Rochester, if those are my new silk ones I’m going to take ten dollars out of your salary this week…

ROCHESTER: What do you mean, out—that’s it!!!

(snip)

JACK: Gee, look at him—he’s got such a bad cold, I think I’ll pull these covers up around him…

ROCHESTER: Be careful, boss, he’s kinda ornery…

JACK: Well, naturally, he’s sick—look at him (baby talk) Has Carmikey got a bad told?

(Mel Blanc, as Carmichael, sneezes once)

JACK: Gesundheit…

(Carmichael sneezes again)

JACK: Ohh!!! Carmichael, watch it!

ROCHESTER: Should I get you an umbrella, boss?

JACK: No, Rochester—you should have given him a spoonful of this cough medicine every hour…here, open his mouth and give it to him now…

ROCHESTER: Boss, I wouldn’t open his mouth if my best friend was in there…

A quick bit of trivia: the show’s orchestra plays a rousing rendition of My Heart Belongs to Daddy, a Cole Porter song made famous in the Broadway musical Leave It to Me and sung by Mary Martin. Martin would later reprise the tune in the 1940 Paramount feature film, Love Thy Neighbor, in which she would co-star alongside Jack Benny and Fred Allen in a movie made to capitalize on their famous feud.
9:04:01 PM    comment []  trackback []  

“Tums…for the tummy…”

It can certainly be said that for announcer Don Wilson, his bread-and-butter was primarily his duties on The Jack Benny Program, a show that he began announcing for in 1934 and would work on for the next twenty-one years. (When you also consider that Don was with Jack on Benny’s TV show, his association with the comedian lasted even longer, since the television show was on until 1965.) But announcers were often very busy during Radio’s Golden Age, and in addition to the Benny program, Wilson’s familiar, jovial tones could also be heard on shows featuring Alan Young, Doris Day, Ginny Simms and Joe E. Brown—as well as Glamour Manor and Tommy Riggs and Betty Lou.

So after listening to the two Benny broadcasts, I encountered Don again on a March 20, 1951 edition of The Baby Snooks Show; Wilson was the pitchman for sponsor Tums (at that time, only ten cents a roll, and three rolls for a quarter). As the program opens, Snooks (Fanny Brice) is conversing with her father, Lancelot Higgins (Hanley Stafford):

SNOOKS: Well, why can’t I have a new Easter outfit?

DADDY: Ohhh…first Mommy, now you…well, if you must know, I don’t have the money…my job doesn’t offer that kind of remuneration…

SNOOKS: What’s remu…mu…what you said?

DADDY: Remuneration…it’s time you learned a new word…tell me, what do I carry home every Saturday night?

SNOOKS: Hmm…Uncle Louie…

DADDY: I mean my paycheck…it’s all spent…

SNOOKS: Well, Pamela Richardson is gettin’ a new Easter outfit…and I want one, too!

DADDY: Oh, so that’s it…well, Pamela’s father happens to be a banker…I don’t have his kind of money…

SNOOKS: What kind do you have?

DADDY: I don’t mean it that way—we have the same money, but…he has a whole lot more…

SNOOKS: Then why aren’t you smart enough to be a banker?

DADDY: I am smart enough…I’m just not lucky…I never got the opportunity…

SNOOKS: Well, Mommy says…since you and she got married you passed up every opportunity…

DADDY: I wish I had passed up that one, too…

It’s only when Snooks informs her father that Pamela Richardson has called the Higgins family “poor white trash” (pretty harsh for a sitcom, don’t you think?) that Daddy decides to go down to the bank and try to secure a personal loan to buy the entire family new Easter clothing—only he has to do so from Pamela’s father (Fred Shields). Snooks also lets the information about the “poor white trash” comment slip to Richardson, which angers the banker and he agrees to grant Daddy the loan. After a funny encounter with an oh-so-trying-to-be-patient department store clerk (Elvia Allman), the family is bedecked in new Easter outfits—but Snooks’ friend Pamela still thinks her clan is poor and white and trashy, so Snooks punches her in the nose, causing Mr. Richardson to put the kibosh on the loan. Daddy then gets an idea: he’ll ask his boss (Ken Christy) for the money, and he brings Snooks with him to “play on his sympathies”:

WEEMISH: Three hundred dollars? That’s a lot of money, Higgins…of course, if it’s for an emergency I might consider it…on the other hand, if it’s for something foolish—like Jackson in the shipping department wanted a hundred-dollar advance just to buy some Easter clothes…hah! Ridiculous…naturally, I turned him down…

DADDY: Oh…naturally…

WEEMISH: Well? What’s your story? (awkward pause) Well???

SNOOKS: Sorry—we need some time to change it…

DADDY: Well, uh…the reason I need the money is…uh…er…uh…it’s on account of Vera…you see, she’s…she’s sick (with pathos) Oh, she’s very sick…

WEEMISH: Sick? Of what?

SNOOKS: Of wearin’ the same ol’ clothes…

DADDY (quickly): No!!! This is no time to joke about your mother’s illness! For which we need the money…get it?

SNOOKS (catching on): Oh yeah, yeah…poor Mommy…awful sick…

DADDY: Oh yes, Mr. Weemish…just this morning I took Vera’s temperature…and it was a hundred and five!!!

WEEMISH: A hundred and five???

SNOOKS: And that was in the shade, too!

WEEMISH: Higgins, this does sound serious…

DADDY: Oh, it is, Mr. Weemish…the doctor says she’ll need an operation…and that’s why I need the three hundred dollars…

SNOOKS: Yeah, she’ll need an operation…

WEEMISH (sympathetically): Well, Snooks…Lancelot…I’m very sorry to hear this…uh, what are they going to operate on her for?

SNOOKS (quickly): Appendix…

DADDY (also quickly): Gallstones…

WEEMISH: What?

SNOOKS: Gallstones!

DADDY: Appendix!

SNOOKS: Appendix!

DADDY: Gallstones!

WEEMISH: Huh???

SNOOKS: Once more, and maybe we can come out together…

Snooks then lets the cat out of the bag about the outfits, and Weemish angrily kicks Higgins out of the office—he later relents and allows Daddy to have the loan, but Snooks has one more trick up her sleeve to scotch that as well. “The Easter Outfit” is a Baby Snooks rarity in that it’s one of the few half-hour shows in its situation comedy format extant today, and the more of the half-hour programs I listen to, the more I become a fan of Fanny’s—she’s really sensational. (I have a great admiration for Stafford, too; he makes a perfect foil for Brice’s antics.)

The other program on the Baby Snooks CD (part of the Radio Spirits box set Radio’s Greatest Sitcoms) is an AFRS rebroadcast originally heard over CBS on March 21, 1947: Lancelot and Vera (Arlene Harris) have decided to redecorate the famed house of Sycamore Terrace, and Daddy has built his very own desk to save some money:

DADDY: I’m going to carry this desk upstairs…

SNOOKS: Mm hmm…

DADDY: I’m going to set it in the living room and surprise your mother when she gets home…

SNOOKS: Lemme help you carry it…

DADDY: That’s all I need…

SNOOKS: It’s too heavy for you, lil’ Daddy…

DADDY: I’ll manage…

SNOOKS: Hmm…

DADDY: If you want to do something, guide me upstairs while I’ve got it on my back…

SNOOKS: All right…

DADDY: Now, let’s see if I can lift it (grunting) Ooooh…there…boy, this is heavier than I thought…

SNOOKS: But it’s comfortable…

DADDY: What do you mean, comfortable? Snooks! Where are you???

SNOOKS: Sittin’ on the desk…

DADDY: Get down off there!!!

SNOOKS: All right (SFX: drops to floor) Is it still too heavy, Daddy?

DADDY: No, I…I can manage easily…what’s the matter with you, Snooks? What are you standing on now?

SNOOKS: Nothin’…

DADDY: Then why you seem to be…growing taller?

SNOOKS: ‘Cause you’re sinkin’ to your knees…

Mommy (Vera) has hired a decorator named Lester Q. Zimmel (John Brown) to do the remodeling, and horrified by Daddy’s DIY desk, gives it to Snooks for her clubhouse. Unfortunately, Daddy has left an important contract in one of the desk’s drawers, and thus begins a chase to locate it: Snooks sold it to the junkman, who sold it to a second-hand furniture store, who sold it to a dealer, who doesn’t know who the desk was sold to but will call Higgins when the driver returns. (If you took Sitcoms 101, it shouldn’t be too hard to figure out the identity of the person who bought the desk.) The last half-hour finds Snooks and Daddy attempting to wallpaper the bedroom, as the decorator has quit after being punched in the nose (something about spending $300 for a desk, hint hint)—and of course, this activity ends with predictably hilarious results.

The announcer on this program is Harlow Wilcox, who again, like Don Wilson, supplemented his main bread-and-butter (Fibber McGee & Molly) by announcing on other shows. But one thing has always puzzled me regarding Wilcox—on Fibber McGee & Molly, he was sort of established as a resident of Wistful Vista; but you get the impression that he hung around Sycamore Terrace (on the Snooks show) a good deal as well. Either he maintained two residences (a double life, perhaps?) or Sycamore Terrace was but a small commute away from Wistful Vista (all aboard!).
9:02:45 PM    comment []  trackback []