As I continued with this month’s Jack Benny project, I listened to a pair of 1946 programs earlier on today, starting with the inaugural broadcast of the 1946-47 season from September 26, 1946. The show introduces several running gags that would be repeated in subsequent shows, the best-known of which was the introduction of Jack’s new vocal group, The Sportsmen Quartet.

Benny and announcer Don Wilson had a long history of ribbing the show’s sponsor, and the Quartet was hired to perform singing commercials for Jack’s benefactor, Lucky Strike. Benny fans are no doubt aware that the American Tobacco Company’s spots had a tendency to be loud, repetitive and obnoxious, so the introduction of the Sportsmen in a series of commercials (often musical parodies like Shortnin’ Bread and Slow Boat to China) added a dose of much-needed levity to the Jack Benny Program broadcasts. They also became part of a continuing story arc on the program, as Jack would become increasingly exasperated (“Wait a minute…wait a minute…wait a minute…wait a minute!!!”) with them, lending itself to a sort of mock “feud.” Later, Jack would fire the group—one hilarious broadcast (March 16, 1947) has him trying to hire a “new” quartet which consists of the show’s tenor vocalist, Dennis Day, and guest stars Andy Russell, Dick Haymes and Bing Crosby.

For the record, the Sportsmen consisted of five members, only they rotated from week-to-week. They were Marty Spurzel, Bill Days, Max Smith, John Rorig and Thurl Ravenscroft—Ravenscroft achieved a little immortality of his own as the voice of Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes mascot Tony the Tiger. According to the show’s producer, Hilliard Marks, “I thought I had allowed enough times for laughs, but I had not anticipated the prolonged reaction [that] the Quartet received from the studio audience.” This is indeed so, as the program is cut off in the middle of a closing routine with Jack and NBC telephone operator Mabel (Sara Berner).

Another running gag introduced on this broadcast is the news that cast members Phil Harris and Dennis Day have landed their own spin-off shows:

DON: Say, Mary…Mary, are you glad to be back on the program again?

MARY: I sure am…

JACK: I am, too—but you know, Mary, I must admit I’m a little nervous about the opening show…

MARY: Jack, if you think you’re nervous, what about Phil Harris? He has two opening shows today…

JACK: Well, as a rule I’m not (long pause) what? What did you say?

MARY: Phil has two opening shows, yours and The Fitch Bandwagon…he has his own program…

JACK: Phil has his own program? Gee, I didn’t know that…hmm…that’s gratitude for you…the least he could have done is let me know…could have dropped me a postcard…

MARY: Called you up…

JACK: No, my phone’s disconnected during the summer…hmm…his own program…Phil…gosh, Mary—what can Phil do for a full half-hour?

MARY: I don’t know, but if he adds two more choruses to “That’s What I Like About the South,” he’s in…

JACK: I can’t get over it…so Phil has his own program…

MARY: Do you mind?

JACK: Of course not…I like to see people get ahead…I want everyone to be a success…in fact, I’d even like to see Dennis Day get his own show…

MARY: He has…

JACK (exploding): What??? Mary, did I hear you correctly?

MARY: If that thing in your ear is connected, you did…

Jack’s radio persona suggests forest green envy at both Harris and Day’s solo efforts, but the truth is that he was strongly supportive, particularly in the case of Harris’ The Fitch Bandwagon (which became The Phil Harris-Alice Faye Show under sponsor Rexall Drugs in 1948). Phil’s program followed the Benny show at 7:30pm on Sunday nights, and so in order to allow Harris to “warm up” for his own show Jack instructed his writers to feature Phil only in the first half of his show.

PHIL: Hiya Jackson! Hello, folks—don’t feel low…you’ll soon hear Harris on his very own show! And hallelujah! (as the audience applauds) Lay that beautiful launch program applause on me…make me know it, make me know it…

JACK: Phil! Phil, Mary told me all about it…and I’d like to have a little talk with you about your own show…

PHIL: Sorry, Jack…I ain’t usin’ no stooges…

JACK: I don’t want to talk to you about that…yet…I only want to know one thing…you’ve been with me for nine years…why did you go out and take another show?

PHIL (in the style of the “L.S.M.F.T.” chant): M-O…N-E-Y…M-O…N-E-Y…

JACK: So that’s why, eh…well, that’s the trouble with you, Phil—all you think about is money…women and money…

PHIL: Well, I don’t know of a better parlay—do you, Bub?

Dennis arrives late for the program (it is explained that he’s rehearsing for his new Thursday night show for Colgate), and so Jack reads him a similar riot act:

JACK: Listen, Dennis—there’s something I want to talk to you about…why did you go out and get your own program without consulting me?

DENNIS: Well…

JACK: …and after I’ve done for you…I found you when you were just a kid…I groomed you for radio…I gave you your big chance…I let you sing on the air, every Sunday…I’ve been doing this for you kid, for—for eight years…now why did you go out and take another show?

DENNIS: I was hungry…

On later broadcasts—if time permitted—Benny would plug both Harris and Day’s programs, though after Jack moved to CBS in January 1949 he was strangely silent on the Harris-Faye show while continuing to promote A Day in the Life of Dennis Day. This could be due to the fact that while Benny was now on CBS, Phil and Alice remained at NBC—and CBS probably wasn’t too enthused at the thought of listeners switching over after Jack’s program, particularly since the popular Amos ‘n’ Andy followed at 7:30pm.

JACK: Fine season I’m gonna have…Phil’s got his own show, Dennis has his own show…I don’t know why they had to go out and get their own programs, anyway…

MARY: But, Jack—what are you so mad at them for? Don Wilson has four shows, and you’re not mad at him…

JACK: He pays me commission…

The second show I previewed, originally heard over NBC Radio October 20, 1946, showcases a hilarious spoof of the hit radio mystery radio program The Whistler. I’ve often marveled at how a program that was broadcast for West Coast listeners managed to achieve both notoriety and appeal nationwide as well. For example, Columbia Pictures produced a series of ten B-noirs based on the show from 1944-48, all save the last entry starring Richard Dix. Famed horror director-producer William Castle worked on these movies (The Whistler, The Mark of the Whistler) earlier in his career; some would argue (like myself) that they represent some of his best work.

But what makes the October 20 broadcast interesting is the participation of the real Whistler, actor-announcer Bill Forman. Benny scribe George Balzer explains:

I was chosen to play the role since I could do the whistle. Right before the broadcast, I ran into [Whistler star] Bill Forman in the hallway, and suggested to Jack that we hire radio’s real Whistler to do his famous opening on our show, since Forman was willing to do the part for scale and it wouldn’t cost any more than having me do it. We didn’t know that Forman didn’t do the whistling himself on his show, so I ended up doing the Whistler anyway and Jack had to pay both of us.

Jack and the gang do a splendid job with the spoof, retitled “The Fiddler” (Jack: “I am the Fiddler…I play by night…they won’t let me play in the daytime…”). Mary and Dennis play Gwendolyn and Griffith Park (groan), a married couple whose relationship will soon be shattered since Gwen is fooling around with Griffith’s pal Kilroy (played by Phil):

MARY: Gee, Kilroy—you and I could be so happy together…if it wasn’t for my husband…

JACK (filter mike): Ah, now you’re on the right track…well…go ahead, why don’t you kill your husband!!!

MARY: Kilroy! I just got an idea!

PHIL: So did I!

BOTH: Let’s kill Griffith!

MARY: It must be love, we said it together…

JACK (filter mike): That’s it! That’s it! Now we’re getting somewhere…go ahead…go ahead, kill him!

PHIL: Gwendolyn…I know just how to kill your husband…we’ll take him down to Union Station and throw him under the wheels of a passing train…

MARY: But at Union Station, all those people will see us!

PHIL: So what? They’ll think it’s a stunt for Truth or Consequences!

JACK (filter mike): Sure…you can get away with it…and you’ll get a box of Duz besides…

Jack and his writers revived “The Fiddler” on his February 26, 1950 broadcast, which probably made more sense since both shows were on CBS by this time (trying to goad Dennis into killing his wife, Jack cracks: “Hurry up…or we’ll be in the middle of Amos ‘n’ Andy…”), and the spoof also turned up on one of Jack’s television shows. To tie up all the loose ends, I should also point out that the announcer on Phil Harris and Alice Faye’s program from 1948-54 was none other than the Whistler himself, Bill Forman.
10:34:11 PM    comment []  trackback []  

“T’aint funny, McGee…”

Quite the contrary—I find Fibber McGee & Molly very funny; it’s the OTR equivalent of what people call “non-think entertainment.” (The word from Radio Spirits’ “Texas” Tony Tollin is that RS has a “Best of Fibber & Molly” collection in the works.) Some of the jokes are sort of mired in a kind of vaudeville corniness, but I’m a huge admirer of creator-writer Don Quinn’s daffy and hilarious wordplay. Quinn had been working for the show’s stars Jim and Marian Jordan ever since their early days at Chicago’s WENR, and he continued with the program until 1951, when his writing partner Phil Leslie (who had joined the show in 1943) took over, joined by former Burns & Allen scribe Keith Fowler. (Fowler’s colleague on George & Gracie’s program, Paul Henning, had also enjoyed a brief tutelage under Quinn, albeit an uncredited one.) Quinn later enjoyed a second radio comedy success with The Halls of Ivy, starring Ronald and Benita Colman.

I listened to pair of broadcasts in the wee a.m. hours, the first originally heard over NBC Radio on March 18, 1941. Fibber and Molly are waiting on the postman, expecting some magazines—and the mail carrier, Mr. Bagworthy, is played by Gale Gordon, who is best known for his portrayal of Mayor La Trivia on the show:

BAGWORTHY: Morning, folks!

MOLLY: Good morning, Mr. Bagworthy! Did you bring our magazines?

BAGWORTHY: Nope! Just a letter for Mr. McGee…from the government…

FIBBER: Oh, the government, eh? I guess they’re thankin’ me for bein’ so prompt about my income tax (laughs) ah, there’s nobody like our ol’ Uncle Sam, is there?

BAGWORTHY: You’ll soon know…nephew…

(SFX: door closes)

MOLLY: Say, what’d he mean by that?

FIBBER: Search me, but…he better learn to keep a civil service tongue in his cheek…

MOLLY: Dear…and I was counting on getting this month’s fashion…

FIBBER: Yeah, my detective magazine is two weeks past (his voice trails off as he opens the letter and reads it) well, I’ll be…hey! Molly! Look! I’m drafted!

MOLLY: Say…don’t be silly, you’re over age…

FIBBER: So was Frank Knox, but they made him Secretary of the Navy, didn’t they?

MOLLY: I suppose you’re going to be Secretary of the Army…

FIBBER: No, I’d be satisfied to be secretary of Frank Knox…

(snip)

MOLLY: McGee…tell me this…this is all a joke!

FIBBER: Why…why, Molly…you…you mean you don’t want me to go?

MOLLY: Well, if they want you and need you, of course I want you to go, but…it seems so ridiculous, a man of your age…

FIBBER (upset): Whaddya mean, a man of my age? Why, I’m in marvelous physical shape…I’m in the prime of things…anyway, it’s my brains and experience they want—not my gorgeous figure…

MOLLY: Yeah, but your eyesight is bad, dearie…

FIBBER: Good enough…

MOLLY: How’d you pass the test for vision?

FIBBER: Shucks—I’ve had that optical chart memorized since the last war…

MOLLY: Yeah—but you have flat feet, too…

FIBBER: So what? An army travels on its stomach—and you’ll admit, I’ve got a stomach…

Most of the "usual suspects" in Wistful Vista—Mrs. Uppington (Abigail Randolph), the Old Timer (Bill Thompson), Gildersleeve (Harold Peary) and announcer Harlow Wilcox—are equally as skeptical as Molly regarding Fibber’s “induction,” and of course, it all turns out to be a simple misunderstanding. The second broadcast, from March 30, 1948, has our hero Fibber coming up with a brainstorm of an idea:

FIBBER: We haven’t took a trip for some time…whaddya say we take a trip for ourselves?

MOLLY: Why—wonderful, dearie, I love to travel! Where do we go? New York? Chicago? Mexico City? Where?

FIBBER: Downtown…

MOLLY: What do you mean?

FIBBER: Downtown…stay all night…I thought it might be kinda fun to pack our grips, check in at the Wistful Vista Plaza…have dinner, go to a movie—maybe even dance a little…and stay downtown…overnight…

MOLLY: Well, McGee—that does sound like fun at that!

FIBBER: Certainly! What do you say, snooky—is it a date?

MOLLY: You, uh…you haven’t asked anybody else?

FIBBER: Nope, nope…I’ve decided to go steady with you now…

No sooner have they made their plans but the doorbell rings, and Wallace Wimple—my favorite of the Fibber McGee & Molly characters—makes an appearance:

MOLLY: Do come in and sit down for a few seconds, Mr. Wimple, and chat…

FIBBER; Sorry we haven’t got time for more than that, Wimp…packin’ up for a little trip…change of scenery, new places, new faces…guy can’t let himself get stale, you know…

WIMPLE: Oh, you’re so right, Mr. McGee…I remember one time Sweetyface…

MOLLY: Who, Mr. Wimple?

WIMPLE: Sweetyface…that’s my big ol’ wife…

FIBBER: Oh…oh yes…

WIMPLE: I remember one time Sweetyface wanted to take a little trip…”Wallace!” she said, “where do you think I ought to go?” (giggling uncontrollably) The things that flash through my mind…I was really ashamed of myself…

FIBBER: What did you finally suggest?

WIMPLE: Well, I finally said, “Well, Sweetyface—it depends on what you want…if it’s rest and relaxation, why not buy a raft and try floating to Hong Kong? Or if you want excitement, you might try going over Niagara Falls in a peach basket…” I thought she’d be flattered when I said “peach basket” but she wasn’t…

MOLLY: That’s strange…

WIMPLE: But I must say that we took one trip together that I thought was grand fun…

FIBBER: Where was that, Wimp?

WIMPLE: Out to the airport…

FIBBER: Oh…

WIMPLE: We were supposed to fly to Bermuda, but somehow our tickets got mixed up and I went to Vancouver and she went to Egypt…

MOLLY: Well, heavenly days! How do you suppose the tickets got mixed up like that?

WIMPLE (again, with a mischievous giggle): Oh, it isn’t too difficult when you know the right people…

Fibber’s reserved a swanky room for himself and the missus, but for reasons unknown he’s packed two suitcases and won’t let anyone go near them (the explanation for this is pretty funny at the show’s end). Included in this broadcast is a visit from weatherman Foggy Williams (Gordon), and the McGees also encounter The Old Timer (working as a hotel bellhop), Doc Gamble (Arthur Q. Bryan) and Wilcox at the Wistful Vista Plaza. Wilcox does a Johnson’s Wax commercial with Walter Tetley (Leroy on the McGee spinoff The Great Gildersleeve), who plays a pageboy (Fibber: “If that kid is a page, he must be folded.”). Harlow eventually comes clean and reveals that the page is his nephew, “Smallfry” Wilcox.
4:25:58 AM    comment []  trackback []