Paul Heinrichs of the always entertaining Playing With My Food, and Other Things… directed me to an MSNBC link in which the Great Colorization Debate has once again reared its ugly head. I could have sworn we film buffs staked this particular thing from Hell back in the 1980s, but it would appear that the good folks at Sony-Columbia—in their endless pursuit to, as George Carlin once observed, “keep it in the black”—have decided to colorize the shorts in two Three Stooges DVD releases, due to hit store shelves today.

I don’t want to get into a rant here, but when Roger Ebert remarks that “Colorization is a form of vandalism” I heartily agree. I mean, is there some section of the home-video audience out there who’s not aware that the Stooges shorts were filmed in glorious black-and-white? It’s bad enough that these two releases—Goofs On the Loose and Stooged and Confoosed—have at least three shorts that have been previously issued on earlier DVD releases, now they have to tart these up with colorization, too? To the people at Sony-Columbia who apparently aren’t going to be able to sleep at night until they’ve wrested every single solitary dime from the pockets of Stooges fans: “How much better can you eat? What can you buy that you can’t already afford?”*

To continue the sad news, actress Fay Wray has passed on at the age of 96. To this peerless performer who co-starred alongside "the tallest and darkest of Hollywood’s leading men" in the greatest monster movie of all time, I tearfully say…rest in peace.

To end on a brighter note, here’s a link to a story I saw on CNN this morning about the discovery of a long-lost Laurel and Hardy by German film historians in a Moscow archive. Even Stan and Ollie weren’t safe from the ravages of colorization, but the first DVD release by Hallmark managed to bite that bullet (we can only knock wood that subsequent releases don’t follow suit).

*Forget it, Jake...it's Chinatown (1974).
11:09:54 AM    comment []  trackback []  

“Put somethin’ in the pot, boy…”

I took a pair of Bob Hope Shows with me to work last night, both of which were originally broadcast during the 1949-50 season. Normally, I’m not a big fan of Hope’s radio work, but I will admit that his postwar shows can be often amusing at times. (I think the wartime Hope material is very weak, due to the fact that Bob pretty much had a captive audience in the G.I.’s he visited overseas—they’d laugh at anything.) The New Swan Soap Show Starring Bob Hope, which debuted in the fall of 1948, is a particular favorite, with some sharp and snappy writing at times.

Bob hired a new cast for the change in format and sponsorship, and these programs spotlight talents like young vocalist Doris Day (like Dinah Shore did with Eddie Cantor, Day absorbed plenty of comedy tricks from one of the old masters), character actress Irene Ryan (pre-The Beverly Hillbillies; she took over the “man-hungry old maid” role vacated by Vera Vague), announcer-actor Hy Averback, and second banana Jack Kirkwood. It is Kirkwood that I’d like to concentrate on in this post; a “comic’s comic” who has yet to receive his proper due.

Born in Scotland in 1894, Kirkwood amassed an extensive background in vaudeville before moving on to a radio career at San Francisco’s KFRC in the mid-1930s. Though his forte was comedy, he possessed a broad enough range to tackle dramatic parts as well, appearing in serials like Hawthorne House and Saunders of the Circle X. His first self-titled comedy series was heard over KFRC in 1938, and by 1943 he was headlining NBC’s Mirth and Madness, a five-day-a-week quarter-hour that included his wife Lillian Leigh and comic Ransom Sherman in the supporting cast. Jack wrote a great deal of the show’s madcap humor, excelling in parodies of detective shows and westerns; in his western spoofs Kirkwood would invariably get shot at the end and with his dying breath would intone: “He got me, Lil…I’m dyin’…I’m goin’, Lil…but before I go, I got somethin’ to say…”

From Mirth and Madness, Kirkwood landed another five-day-a-week series on CBS beginning in 1945, a self-titled show featuring many of Madness’ supporting players. During the summer of 1946, he and wife Lil snagged a plum assignment as a partial replacement to the vacationing Lux Radio Theater, and he finished out the 1940s with a regional ABC series, At Home With the Kirkwoods. August 25, 1950 ushered in a revival of the earlier Madness on Mutual-Don Lee’s West Coast network; that version lasted until February 20, 1953.

Loved by both his peers and the public, Jack Kirkwood had somewhat spotty success as a headliner, but this was more than made up for with supporting appearances on shows like The Alan Young Show, Fibber McGee & Molly and The Adventures of Ozzie & Harriet (he has a particularly funny part as a shopkeeper on a December 5, 1948 broadcast that guest stars Bing Crosby). He was also a regular on The Edgar Bergen Hour from 1954-56, playing a dubious expert named “Professor” Kirkwood. But I think old-time radio fans today probably remember him best for his work on Bob Hope’s show; he never failed to convulse audiences playing a scroungy street corner Santa who would greet Bob with a catchphrase that soon became a national sensation, “Put somethin’ in the pot, boy…”:

BOB: Well, how are ya feelin’ tonight, Santa?

JACK: Oh, miserable, boy—just miserable…I’m so miserable I could be the West Coast distributor for misery…I caught an awful cold last night… (Kirkwood then does a comical sneeze that I can’t possibly do justice here) Merry Christmas, everybody!

BOB: You have got a bad cold!

JACK: And I wouldn’t have caught this cold if people would only learn…

BOB: Learn what?

JACK: To cover a man up after he’s been thrown out of a saloon! (another comical sneeze)

BOB (ad-libbing): I should have worn my windshield wipers…

JACK: I could have had double pneumonia…

BOB: Really?

JACK: Yeah, but I didn’t want to make a pig out of myself…come on, put somethin’ in the pot, boy…

BOB: Well, what are you doing for your cold, Santa?

JACK: I was gonna buy some cough drops but they cost a lot of money…and I was going to buy some Bromo Quinine but I didn’t want to spend the money on that either…

BOB: You know, Santa—there’s a lot of Scotch in you…

JACK: Well, don’t stand so close to me and you won’t notice it…

BOB: Say, look…I’ve been asking people on the boulevard about their Christmas shopping…are you buying any presents this Christmas?

JACK: Oh, yes! Yes, I was trying to get something for Mom—but she’s so hard to buy for…you know, Pop gets her everything…

BOB: Why? Is he wealthy?

JACK: No, he’s a shoplifter…when he walks out of the May Company, the whole left side of the building sags…

The preceding exchange is from a December 20, 1949 broadcast that features guests Rhonda Fleming (Hope’s co-star in The Great Lover) and Bing Crosby. In a second show I previewed (from June 6, 1950), Jack’s a masseuse at the hotel in which Bob is staying:

BOB: Oh, are you here to give me my rubdown?

JACK: That’s right, boy…I’m the masseur…

IRENE: Oh? Parlez-vous francais?

JACK: Careful, lady…I’m also the house detective…

DORIS: Come on, Miss Ryan…we’re gonna run, Bob…see you later!

IRENE: Bye!

(SFX: door closes)

JACK: All right, boy—the ladies are gone…now, will you strip down, please?

BOB: Okay…

JACK: Now, wait a minute…you’ll have to take off that baggy long underwear…

BOB: I did—this is my skin…

JACK: Mother Nature hasn’t been too kind to you, has she, boy?

(snip)

BOB: Well, how about that rubdown?

JACK: Well, let’s see…where’s the rubbing alcohol? Oh, here it is…

(SFX: drinking sound)

BOB: Hey, wait a minute—you’re not supposed to drink it! You’re supposed to rub me with it, I’m the one who’s stiff!

JACK: I’ll be the same way in a minute, boy…

Kirkwood has another great one-liner in this show; after he refers to Bob as “boy” he cracks, “I call him ‘boy’ only ‘cause this is option time…”

In addition to his radio work, Kirkwood appeared in a few movies including Humphrey Takes a Chance (1950) and Never a Dull Moment (1950). He also teamed up with Wally Brown (who joined him on the 1950-53 revival of Mirth and Madness) in a handful of RKO comedy shorts, most notably one that used his Hope Show catchphrase—Put Some Money in the Pot (1950). His most memorable contribution on the silver screen, however, was a supporting part in Bob Hope’s Fancy Pants (1950), a funny remake of the 1935 classic Ruggles of Red Gap with Lucille Ball. (Why someone never thought of putting Jack in Hope’s The Lemon Drop Kid—a film whose plot revolves around street corner Santas—is still a mystery unsolved.)

Jack Kirkwood passed from the scene in 1964, and a few of his starring shows still survive today; his work with Bob Hope, Edgar Bergen and Ozzie & Harriet also adds to his comic legacy. But when I ransacked my OTR and movie book library in search of a photo of Kirkwood, I came up empty. This is clearly a man who deserves a little respect.
10:41:46 AM    comment []  trackback []