Productivity

Charlie woke up, ate a banana and started making productive-sounding noises outside early in the morning.  I woke up and took the fifteen year-old daughter with me on a doughnut-eating, errand-running car trip.  Jenn woke up and called her Doctor, begging for pain killers.  The skateboarder didn’t wake up until the afternoon.

It’s supposed to be a productive day.  Saturday was supposed to be a productive day, but it became a scary day in the emergency room with Jenn, pregnant with kidney stones. 

Sunday was supposed to be productive, too, but Jenn called the father of her baby and needed some help dealing with the subsequent rejection.  We went shopping, which might have been productive except we went to the fabric store.  Now I have even more projects screaming at me for attention. 

The doughnuts in my stomach are being quite productive at making me sick.  It’s either the doughnuts or all the projects I’m supposed to be doing.  Just thinking about where to start made me sleepy.  I started by getting rested up.

Jenn called her work since she couldn’t come in high on Vicodan.  “I’ll cut my finger if I try,” she said.  “I’ve done it before: this one right here.”  She held out her now-normal-looking index finger.  “It was messy.”

One of the guys she works with stopped by to see how she was doing.  “Preston’s taking me to get ice cream,” she said.  “He’s bringing his dog.  It’ll get my mind off things.”

Charlie made more productive drilling and sawing noises out on the deck.  “Your ex stopped by,” he said.  “He told me how it was off by an inch on the left side.  He’s so jealous; he always has to find something wrong to point out.”

“Was it off?”

“Yeah, but don’t tell him.  It’s even worse when he’s right.”

At about 3 p.m. the skateboarders showed up ready for work.  Charlie set up old picnic benches with pine boards to prime and paint.  He looked at six deck books last night and is so excited about his ideas, he hasn’t stopped for lunch.  “It’s going to be white, with off-set posts holding up the trellis over the front,” he said.  “It’s all about curb appeal.  It’s going to look great.”

“We want to paint sitting down,” the skateboarders said. 

Charlie moved the boards onto sawhorses, so they could sit on the benches.  They soon realized sitting was more trouble than it was worth.  They kept having to adjust themselves, get up and move over, and scoot up and down on the benches.

They gave up on the sitting down.  Once they stood up, the meat-eating skateboarder said, “We need a CD player.  If we have to stand up, we need music to get into a rhythm.”

“Yeah,” the vegan said.

“We’ll be more productive.”

“Yeah.”

“We’re thinking of you.  It’s for your benefit.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll get it,” Charlie said.  He normally wouldn’t do this, but he thought it would save time.  Not only would they track paint all over, which wasn’t the end of the world in this messy house, but they’d walk by the computer and never return to their job.  He’d have to spend the next hour nagging them to finish up.

The skateboarders quietly painted for a half an hour, listening to Jimi Hendrix loudly in our quiet little cul-de-sac.

“We’re going to take a break,” they said.  “We’re hungry.”

They drove off in the direction of the nearest fast food place and weren’t seen again for a good hour and a half. 

They returned and went straight to the computer.  Charlie nagged at them and they returned outside at about 7 p.m.  He figured out they work best when they have a specific job and a set amount of time to get it done.  He pointed to the boards and said, “All these need to get done in an hour.”  They worked out a system and became a lot more efficient.

Charlie still had to tease them for taking so long to get back to work. “You suck,” he said right as Jenn’s co-worker dropped her off.

“Don’t tell him he sucks, or he really will suck,” she said.  “You have to encourage him.”

The skateboarder said, “Yeah, you have to encourage me.”

Charlie looked over at the other skateboarder, who stuck out his tongue.

Then Jenn said, “Me and Preston are going to be roommates.  He said ‘You’re the only person I can stand to be around.’  I told him, ‘You’re the only person I can stand to be around.’  He says he likes kids, so we’re going to get an apartment together.  Then I got bored and told him I was going to the movies with my parents so he took me home.”

The skateboarders finished painting the boards, all within Charlie’s timeframe.  Charlie finished putting up the arbor and rail posts and screwed down all the deck boards.  It was after dark when he finished putting things away for the day.  He was excited and happy he had such a productive day.

I’d have been more productive if I’d stayed asleep.  I’d have been better off without doughnuts fighting with my digestive system.  I’d have been better off if I hadn’t touched my big project.  I spent three hours trying to improve something little and ended up making it into a big mess. 

You can learn humility when skateboarders have a more productive day than you. 

A little help? [] 11:49:12 PM