Things You Can Do For a Dollar

“Do you get this, too?” Nicci’s Mom says.  “I’ll be in my room watching TV late at night, almost asleep.  The girls come in and say, ‘We need ice cream.’ 

“Now?  I’m wearing my pajamas.

“‘That’s okay,’ they say.  ‘You just drive and give us money.  You don’t need to get out of the car.  No really, you can stay in the car and wait.’”

I get it.  I’m a Mom.  The only reason I own a car is to drive around teenaged girls. 

“I’ll work for you,” the General says.  “I’ll be your slave.  You can be mean to me like someone at a regular job.  Think about it.  Five hours a week for a car.”

“No way,” Charlie says.  “All our other kids had to earn their car.”

He tells me later, “Don’t bend.”

“I’ll try,” I say.  “You know what a pushover I am, especially when it comes to making my life easier.  She has swim practices at 5:30 in the morning.  That’s punishment for me.”

Charlie calls me up a little while later.  “We should get her a car.”

“What happened to not bending?”

“She’s right.  How can she work and do four varsity sports?  She’d have to quit.  Do you know how hard she’d be to live with if she didn’t do sports?  All that excess energy would be directed right toward us.  Let’s get her a car.”

Charlie told the General she’d have to sign a contract and work and we’d get her a car.  She got online and started looking.  She didn’t sort by the same priorities.

“Here’s what I want.”  She pointed to a picture of a beautiful 4Runner.

“$10,000?” I said.  “I don’t think so.  Your brother’s first car cost $400.”

“My first car was a Rambler,” Charlie said.  “The paint was put on with a brush.  My friends teased me but not too much or I wouldn’t give them rides.  Most of them didn’t have cars.”

“I’m not you,” the General said.  “Thank God.”

The next day she looked again, assuming she could find the perfect car for half the price.

“This has my name all over it,” she said.  “Look.”

“It’s got 250,000 miles on it.”

“What do you expect for $5,000?  You’re the one who’s cheap.”

Charlie wrote up a contract and showed it to the General when giving her the fourth or fifth ride of the day.

“$3,000?” she said.  “How do you expect me to find a SUV for $3,000?”

“Have you heard about my first car?”

“My first car was a Buick,” I say.

She looked out the window and said nothing all the way home.  That’s a first.

News travels fast.  The Vegan and his buddy, Speed Racer, run downstairs.  “No fair,” they say.  “Why does she get a car without a job?”

“I’m doing four Varsity sports this year, that’s why,” the General says.

“Who does Varsity sports,” Speed Racer says, “unless it’s snowboarding?”

“Anyone who wants to get in a good college,” the General says.  “Like me.  I’m getting into a better college than you two losers.”

“Good college?  Who wastes money on a good college when you can go to . . .”

They look at each other and shout, “Community college!” and run up to high five each other.  They miss and fall to the ground laughing.

“You need to drive me tonight, loser,” the General says.

“I’m not driving you and your loud friends,” the Vegan says.  “Unless you pay me.” 

He runs back to his room. 

“He wants to make me pay him.”

“About time he stuck up for himself.”

She runs up to the Vegan’s room.  She gets her way as long as she’s able to talk.  She’s talking to him right now.  I can hear the Vegan and Speed Racer laughing.

The General’s oldest brother told me once, “When I know she wants something, even when I have good reasons to say no, I give in.  I used to fight it, but it wastes time.  She can wear anyone down.”

She comes downstairs and says, “He’s charging me and all my friends a dollar to get a ride.”

“I should charge you more,” he yells.  “You know how hard it is driving with you and your friends?  I can’t even find the right exit; you’re so loud.  I get so confused.”

The Vegan comes home and shows his friends his fistful of cash.  “Look what I got,” he says.  “They wanted to go to a Jesuit game.”

“Why’d they want to go to a Jesuit game?”

“I don’t know but I made eight bucks.”

He’s got a full-time job if he’ll go for ice-cream runs.

A little help? [] 6:12:32 PM