Indoor Camping: Fixing Up the Fixer-Upper

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Spunk

It’s not easy meeting with someone who doesn’t like you. It’s harder when you’re annoyed at the person who connects you. I’m annoyed at Charlie but today’s the day I planned to meet Crystal, his second wife’s daughter by her first husband. If I could think of a believable excuse, I’d be anywhere else.

You have to be confident when you’re meeting with someone who makes you nervous. Crystal makes me very nervous. She seemed to be waiting on the sidelines, assuming Charlie and I wouldn’t last. When I was out of Charlie’s life, she seemed to reason, she’d return to his.

She almost flunked her Junior year of High School when Charlie left her Mom. She blamed me but graduated and went into the Air Force. Now she’s back and living with her Mom, going to school. She doesn’t sound so angry when she calls.

We decided to have lunch one time. We figured we could stand each other if we found something in common with each other.

We were still pretty nervous with each other after that lunch. I had a list of things I could ask her if it got too quiet. I asked her a few of those questions but we were still nervous.

I blurted out, “Want to have lunch again?” She agreed. This time I didn’t make a list. I was too busy trying to think of an excuse to cancel.

I should have been too busy thinking before I speak. I say things I think sound fine but no one else thinks so. This happened this morning. In my mind, there was a perfectly good reason why I could blame Charlie for my blurting. He has expectations, I told him. I’m not perfect.

I try hard to forget all this when we sit down to lunch. Crystal starts telling me about her week and I find myself calming down. You can find something in common with anyone, I think, as long as you’re not too nervous.

“I like arguing,” Crystal says. “I’m really good at it.”

I laughed, thinking she was joking. I don’t remember hearing anyone admit to arguing. She’s proud of it. She looks me straight in the eye and smiles. God, do I wish I could be like that.

“My boyfriend and I argue but mostly on the phone,” she says. “We don’t argue when we’re together. It makes my Mom upset when she hears.”

I don’t care who you are; if you’re female, you can get a good conversation going with anyone if you start talking about men.

“I warned my boyfriend about me before we started dating,” she says. “I’m not like the way I am with friends all the time. My family knows me. They know I go off.”

“You warned him?” I said. “Oh, that’s good. What did he say?”

“He said, ‘I know. I’m still here, aren’t I?’ He said he likes me because I have spunk.”

“I’ve been told that,” I say. “Spunk is good. My daughter’s full of spunk. I like people with a little fire.”

“Ask anyone. I have a hard time controlling my mouth. Nobody thought I’d last through boot camp because I talk back so much.”

“Oh, we do have a lot in common.”

“My boyfriend and I get in arguments,” she admits. “Bad ones.”

“Fiery people are strong,” I say like a mature, non-mouthy person. “You wouldn’t respect your boyfriend if he was weak. My first husband was weak. I’d rather have someone with fire, someone strong, than be right all the time, unchallenged.”

“My boyfriend’s parents are usually on my side.”

“Do you know how lucky you are? My first husband’s family treated me like a breeder. They’d send us big packages for Christmas, nice new gifts for everyone except me. I’d get a thrift-store pot holder. I was happy to get that, come to think of it.”

“I know,” she said. “They knew me first because I worked at their restaurant. That’s how I met their son, my boyfriend. It could be really weird, but it’s not. They keep telling me they’ll never find anyone to fill my shoes at the restaurant.”

I couldn’t help it. I blurted a little about her step-Dad, Charlie. Just a little. I couldn’t hold back, as usual. Instead of closing up, she said, “He did that with me, too.”

“He did?”

“He has expectations,” she said.

I lost all my nervousness. She seemed relaxed, too. We both have Charlie in common, and now we have Charlie’s expectations in common.

We stayed at that table for two hours. I felt like I had a new daughter, one that paid her bills and didn’t have to be nice to me if she didn’t want to, but wanted to. We would have stayed longer but the looks from the servers were getting too obvious, even if they didn’t blurt out something rude.

Blurting isn’t all bad.

A little help? [] 11:42:54 PM