Indoor Camping

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Two Milkshake Dinner

The General calls on her way to work. "I'm starving and I refuse to eat the food here," she says. "Bring me dinner."

"What do you want?"

"Starbucks."

"We'll come by later," I say. She's got the Starbucks as food replacement gene. Wonder where that came from?

Both her and the Vegan work fast food. She sells frozen custard and hot dogs. The Vegan works at Arby's. They're both working the 4 pm to 10 pm shift tonight. Stopping by to visit them gives Charlie an excuse to compare their products.

We visit the General first.

"You guys are addicted," the lone male says. "You come here more than anybody."

"We'd come here more but we try to hold back," I say. "We're easily addicted."

"I saw the General go into full OCD mode today," one of her colleagues says. "Seriously, she was sitting around bored. Immediately without warning she got up and cleaned every inch of this place, everything. It was amazing."

"I wish she'd do that at home," Charlie says.

The General is trying to work and doesn't hear. She nervously looks over, knowing we're talking about her. She's standing at the cash register talking to a bunch of her friends who are all buying so much it's no wonder this business is already doing well.

She whispers to us, "Please get me a caramel macchiato. I had a hot dog, but I'm dying for Starbucks."

I'm a hot beverage enabler so we walk across the parking lot and pick up her fix after she makes him a 'volcano.' Charlie's sucking down his cherry cheesecake milkshake so fast it's gone by the time we get back to the truck.

We drive across town to Arby's. The Vegan is the only one behind the counter, helping a bunch of loud kids. He's so attentive and talkative it's hard to believe he's the same kid. He seems happy.

Bobb, whose real name is John, who also works at Arby's, comes out from the back somewhere. He's not wearing his Arby's uniform.

"I'm not working," he says. "I stopped by to have Juan help me with my Spanish homework. The last time he helped me, the teacher gave me a B. I think she hates me because I know my work was right. Juan knows his Spanish."

The Vegan throws Bobb a handwritten sign and hands Charlie a huge Jamocha milkshake. He made it in one of the 54 oz glow in the dark promotional cups they're featuring for a limited time only. He quickly returns back to behind the counter when a bunch more kid customers come in.

I have a look at the sign. "What?"

"There's a story behind this sign," Bobb says. "I was closing one night. Part of closing is cleaning bathrooms. The girls bathroom has serious plumbing problems, but that's another story. Anyway, there was only one roll of toilet paper in here and I needed two rolls to restock. I went outside in the dark, opened up the shed and reached in for another roll. I couldn't see a thing because it was so dark.

"Something was in there. It was moving around. It was everywhere so it was nowhere. I couldn't tell what it was, but it ran out of the shed, onto my hand and up my shoulder. I slammed the door and ran back inside to get backup.

"Matt and Juan came out. Juan's a big guy. He picked up a shovel like he meant business and followed us out. I opened the shed and there was this big, huge, rabid killer ninja squirrel in there. Seriously. It had blood dripping from its fangs. It had fire coming out of its eyes. I think it was a vampire squirrel.

"Everything moved in slow motion, like in the Matrix. Matt and I leaned back and we were immediately across the street. Matt was pale and shaking and reached for a cigarette, that's how freaked out he was. Juan stayed and the squirrel moved out quickly. He must have been in there several days. Half the toilet paper was chewed up. We had to check all of it for squirrel residue.

"I wrote this sign and put it on the pile of damaged toilet paper for the morning shift to see. I wonder what they thought?"

I wonder what they'd think if they knew this is Charlie's second milkshake tonight. This must be what happens when we don't go to Peet's for a week.

A little help? [] 10:42:57 PM