Big City Lesson #1

For the next 48 hours, Charlie and I promised to keep three 15 year-old girls in Seattle and out of trouble.  One girl couldn’t go or it would have been worse.  Even though Charlie’s a Cop, I suspect the girl’s parents weren’t sure we were strict enough.  They might be right.  My daughter is the only kid I know who fakes she’s in trouble and grounded just to be like her friends.

We left the house right on time.  Not good.  Now everyone knew I padded the schedule.  We arrived in Portland before the train station opened so we had to hang out at Starbucks.  What else can you do in Portland at 6:30 a.m? 

At fifteen, girls already know how to hang at Starbucks.  They ordered fluffy blended drinks with extra whip and sprawled their legs and bags full of make-up and hair care products all over every freed-up tables.

A semi-cross-eyed older man and his back-to-nature-looking companion stood by looking in desperate need of a hot beverage.  Turns out they were in desperate need of a table.  They stood staring for over ten minutes before Charlie noticed and asked if they wanted a chair.

“How kind of you,” they said.  They must be from John Day or somewhere far from here where everyone is polite, has manners and does the right thin without asking. 

“They should have said something,” the General said.  The General, Cheyenneh, is from my gene pool, a pool now completely empty of bossy genes.  “They need to learn to ask.  I think we taught them a lesson about life in the big city.”

“Yeah,” the other two girls said.  They seem confident at this time of the day, in this familiar setting.

They seem confident in the train, too, continuing the Starbucks sprawl over every available seat.  They slept until about an hour before arrival when the train car turned into a beauty salon.  They checked messages and all talked nonstop to friends still in school.  It wasn’t even 11:00 am and they each had about 17 missed calls.

“You know what Chey asked me last night?” Jessi said.  Jessi is the tall, level-headed one.  “She asked me, ‘Do they have different money in Seattle?’  I just stared at her.”

Jessi plugs in a hair straightener and updates everyone’s look within cord distance.

Chey, the General, looks out the window.  “Oh look,” she says.  “The Atlantic.”

“Yeah, right,” Jessi says, “and you need different kind of money here.”

“Mom, is that the Atlantic?”

“Pacific.”

“Lake Tahoe,” Charlie says.

“Remember when I was in sixth grade?” Chey says.  “I won that National Geographic competition?  Something happened between 8^th and 9^th grade.”

“You get dumber every time you get knocked in the head,” Nicci says.  Look cross-eyed at Nicci and you see the Olsen twins.  “Because you have nerve endings,” she says.  “Supposedly.  I don’t know if it’s true or not.  Your nerve endings in your brain, they’re like little fingers.  When you get knocked in the head, they break off.”

”Oh,” Chey says while standing up. “I’m so light headed.”

Jessi laughs.

“Ew,” Chey says, looking out the window.  “Farms.”

“Ew,” Jessi says.

The manager of the hotel smiled as soon as she saw the girls walking in.  “Two rooms, I hope.”

<>“Are you joking me?” Chey says.  “Those are my parents.” 

She looks at our reservations.  “No, this won’t do,” she says.  “Three girls?  I know the scenario.  You’re never going to fit in this room.  I’ll get you a bigger one.  No charge.”

Nicci giggled.

They got the biggest suite available.  Within a few minutes, they had it coated with flying clothes and girl debris: more Starbucks sprawl.

After more grooming, we followed them around while they shopped.  We’re not as excited about the retail world; they were way ahead of us most of the time. 

“Eight cars honked at us,” Nicci said.    

“Guys stare at us walking by,” Jessi said.  “Are they used to ugly girls here?”

“They said they wanted to hire us at Abercrombie,” Nicci said.  “We could never get a job at the Abercrombie near where we live.  You have to look so good.”

We turn a corner to face an escalator with a long stairway up the middle.

Nicci dropped her bag and sighed.  “My feet hurt.”

The General pushed her backpack off to the side and said, “Hop on.”  Nicci picked up her stuff and jumped on the General’s back.

Jessi and Charlie and I got on the escalator.  The General, with Nicci on her back, went up the stairs faster than us.  “Go Chey!” Jessi says.  “Go Chey!  Go Chey!”

The General carried Nicci on her back all the way up to the third step from the top of the double flight of stairs.

“Good job,” Jessi said as if she’s cheering on a teammate.  “You almost made it.” 

When you can carry your friend up a double flight of stairs, you don’t seem like a good, wimpy target for crime.  They may be naïve suburban girls, but they’re strong.  They’ll do fine as long as they don’t ask directions to the Atlantic.

The girls sit as far as possible from us in the packed bus back to our hotel.  When we get off, they look over their shoulders.

“Oh my God,” Nicci said.  “They got off, too.”

The girls walk quickly ahead of us.

“Hurry up,” the General said.

“A guy on there was saying, ‘You are my three Queens.’” Jessi said.  “’Decide between yourselves which one of you I will sleep with tonight.’”

They walk fast and continue to look over their shoulders.  The General starts to walk across a street against the light.  A bus heads right toward her.

“They aren’t going to get you,” Charlie said.  “But the bus might.”

They cross and walk by a couple of guys out on the street.  When they pass, the guys get quiet and stare hard.  The girls walk ahead quickly, not looking back.  Charlie whistles. 

Jessi looks back. “Oh my God!”   

“That was Charlie,” the General says.

Nicci says, “Smells like urine.”

A good-looking young guy crosses the street toward the girls.  When he approaches, he says, “You ladies know where there’s a good bar around here?”

“Yeah,” the General says.  “Right on the corner of No Chance and You’re a f*cking ass crack.”

“We’re twelve,” Jessi shouts.  “Twelve.”

Nicole giggles.  They keep walking confidently.  One of them seems to be teaching anyone in the big city a lesson or two. 

A little help? [] 10:13:53 PM