Indoor Camping: Fixing Up the Fixer-Upper

Friday, November 05, 2004

Spontaneous Solidarity

When you have kids, you can either live through them or live through living with them. We live in the ‘burbs where people can’t complete a sentence without bragging about their kids. We can complete whole paragraphs without giving ours half a thought. We’re completely happy in our own lives. We pretend our kids are completely happy in theirs.

We can barely control our own lives; why would we try to control someone else’s? The only controlling we do with the skater is to tell him to come inside and eat once in a while. The General used to do things she shouldn’t to see if we’d try to control her. We controlled her by making her go to her Dad’s. She stopped doing those things. She hasn’t been over to her Dad’s in months.

She likes to control everyone else, so she sometimes practices on herself. Sometimes I’ll notice she’s hanging around home more than normal. “We stayed out after curfew so my friends all got grounded,” she says. “I’m staying home for a few days, okay?”

One of her friends spent months trying to convince her parents to let her pierce her belly button. Once they allowed it, she called the General. “Do it with me,” she said. “I’m too scared to go by myself.”

The General started in on a well-rehearsed speech on why I should allow it.

“It’s not my belly button,” I said. “If you don’t like it, you can take it out.”

Her Dad didn’t like it but she didn’t take it out. She didn’t go over to his house for a few months, though.

Now she’s home, hanging out with some friends. “What do you think of me getting my nose pierced?” she asks.

“I’d do it if I were younger,” I said. “What would you put in it?”

“Something little.”

“I can’t believe you,” one of her friends said. “You’re so lucky, Chey.”

“I wish my Mom would let me.”

“My Mom thinks Chey’d look cute with a pierced nose,” another friend said.

“My Mom wants to get hers pierced, too. She thinks it looks pretty. I told her she was old.”

“I’m scared to do it,” Cheyenneh the General, controller of everything and everyone, says. “Are you sure it’s a good idea?”

“Don’t wimp out.”

“I can’t believe you,” one friend says. “You’re so lucky, Chey.”

“I have to do it today,” she said. “I’ve wanted to pierce it since I was two. I tried to do it myself and it hurt a lot so I’m scared.”

“I got my nose pierced once,” I said. “My sister had braces and wore headgear, even in public. We were playing hide and seek at the neighbor’s house. She turned her head one way and I turned the other way at the same time. Her headgear went through my nose. We had to walk home attached because we couldn’t undo it by ourselves. My shirt was bloody but it didn’t hurt.”

“That’s disgusting.”

“Have your brother take you. He’s 18. He can be your guardian.”

“You don’t want to come with me?”

“I haven’t done anything today.”

“I want you to come,” she said. “I’m scared. Besides he said if he takes me he’s going to get his nipples pierced. Think about it.”

“I’ve never seen you so nervous.”

“I’m shaking. I can’t breathe.”

We took her friend Nicci, for support. “Oh my God,” Nicci said. “You will calm down.”

“I’m so nervous,” Chey said. “I took everything I could find in the medicine cabinet. I took two melatonin and a Tylenol. I’m going to fall asleep any second.”

“Doubt it.”

“I’m scared. I can’t do it by myself. It’s going to hurt.”

“You better,” Nicci said. “My Mom won’t let me.”

I had an idea. “Let me borrow a phone,” I said. I called Charlie.

“When I go into that place,” I told him, “I know the urge to pierce will overtake me. When I took Chey to get her belly button pierced, I almost left with some new holes myself.”

“You’re giggling like the girls.”

“Do you think it’d be okay to get something pierced? My belly button or something?”

“You’re asking my permission?” Charlie said.

“Get your nose pierced, Mom,” I hear in the background.

“Aren’t I too old?”

“No,” Chey says. “You’ll go first.”

“Aren’t you sweet to call me?” Charlie said. “Do whatever you want. It’d be cute.”

I understand why the General grounds herself. It’s good to have someone give you permission or tell you what to do, even if it’s you.

And honestly, it hurt worse the first time.

A little help? [] 4:26:15 PM