Make Me

(Note for grammatical tightwads: I put an apostrophe between the ‘me’ and the ‘s’ because ‘me’s’ looks better than ‘mes.’  Just try to make me change it.  Go on, make me.)

I knew it was coming; it was way past time.  I dread this moment as soon as I get up in the morning.

“Time for bed,” Charlie says.

“I don’t want to yet,” I say.  “Five more minutes.”  I say this every night.  I’m surprised he doesn’t start reminding me when he gets home from work.

“I need to get up early.”

I have all the power.  I can ignore him.  I can be a bad wife and tell him to go to bed by himself.  I can be a good wife and push myself off the couch.  It comes down to this to prove what kind of person I am.  I weigh this decision every night, every year, ever since I can remember.

“Make me.”

“What?” Charlie asks.  “Did you say, ‘make me?’”

“I’m talking to myself.”

It’s easier to do something you don’t want to do if you divide yourself in two.  The responsible part of you can fight it out with your inner teenager.  You probably shouldn’t voice this out loud, though.  Not everyone will laugh like Charlie does.

My inner teenager was still grumbing as I noticed what a struggle it is to force yourself to do things you don’t want to do.  You have to turn on a little extra effort, you have to create a push, a spark, an energy source and a pilot light to break inertia.  Even when you’re grown up, you need to say ‘make me’ to yourself.  A body at rest tends to stay at rest.

Consciously, it’s hard to notice the amount of make-me’s you use during a regular day.  You have to use a make-me to get out of bed in the morning and to get off the couch at night, you have to use a make-me to do things on your to-do list, errands, dishes, and laundry.  If you live in Oregon, you have to use a make-me to run in the rain.  When you use a day’s allotment of make-me’s at work by ten am, you know you’re in the wrong job.  The more make-me’s, the more stressful your job.  Stress is the result of too many make-me’s.

People have different make-me allotments for their day.  The Vegan, I’ve noticed, is stingy with his make-me’s.  He won’t use them to get up in the morning, even on days with finals.  I think this is why he sleeps in so late on weekends.  You don’t need a make-me to get up when you’re really bored.  Save your make-me’s and get really bored.  You’ll find something to do, even if it’s just getting up to go to bed.

The General, on the other hand, is never at rest.  She gets her make-me allotment from my 78 year-old Dad.  He does way too many things before his wife makes him sit down for breakfast.  He tends to stay in motion all day, even if he’s doing nothing.  I’ve seen his to do lists and they look more boring than mine.  I’d have to use a lot of make-me’s to buy and replace a refrigerator light bulb, call around for the cheapest body shop to repair his car, and make lots of doctor appointments.  It still takes weeks to me to make myself call for doctor appointments.  Put me on hold, make me listen to Muzak, and I have to hang up.

“Sorry I can’t make myself go to bed sooner.”

“If I didn’t work,” he says, “I’d stay up so late I wouldn’t get up out of bed until after noon.”

“You? That’s crazy.”

“I need structure.  I can’t make myself do anything.”

“Didn’t you recently work a ten hour day sick, come home ready to go to bed then go back out and work all night on an accident?” 

“That’s just the way it is when you do accident reconstruction.  You don’t think about it.”

“I wouldn’t need to say ‘make-me’ to myself to get to bed if I was supposed to do accident reconstruction all night long.” 

“You’re more disciplined than me,” he says.  “Make me go to the gym.  I can’t make myself.  I need help.”

“Going to the gym is easy.  I’d rather do that than stay at home and talk to people about work they don’t want to do for me.  Find something you really don’t want to do then whatever you have to do will seem easier.”

“It’s easier if you make me.”

A little help? [] 6:04:57 PM