I've had this idea for a while now, but I think it's time to reveal it to the world. Or at least to the three dudes looking for the Paris Hilton sex tape who accidentally found this blog instead.
The General wants to see a PG or R-rated film released on DVD in an X-rated version. See, you could make a generic action film or romance, or any genre really, and you could make it for theatrical release (which means obeying public morality laws and achieving an R rating or less). Then, when you release it on video, you add explicit sex scenes and make it an X-rated film. Normally, "special editions" on DVD are a matter of quantity: You get more scenes of the same nature as the scenes in the original theatrical release. But what if the additional footage actually changed the rating of the film? Actually changed the nature of the film? Wouldn't that be a great experiment?
I think it would. Naturally the problem is that no Hollywood star would participate in an X-rated film. Well, that can be solved. I think some actors would be willing to be in the same film as X-rated action, but they probably wouldn't be in the X-rated action themselves. That's fine. Just imagine the kind of film Boogie Nights should have been, if some of the actors had been real porn stars. I'm saying, take your average Die Hard movie, with the explosions and the cussing, and add some hardcore fucking to the mix. I don't know why it would be there; it just would.
I think you would need an experimental director, someone with enough art house credibility to get away with releasing an R film as X on DVD. Think of the studio films that earned X ratings in the past: Those were directed by mainstream directors who made PG and R films. It wouldn't mean as much if you got a director like Zalman King to do it; his films are already softcore porn anyway. I'm talking about an arty director with mainstream support.
Imagine how totally transgressive that would be. Imagine how an audience would be totally confused by the sudden appearance of a big hard cock in a Hollywood film. It's the kind of thing that should have appeared in 2 Fast 2 Furious: The X-Rated Director's Cut (if such a thing existed). A movie as stupid as 2 Fast 2 Furious is one step away from being porno anyway -- it's so totally bereft of story and acting and the things that make a movie a movie. So why not cut away from the fast cars for some boning? The audience for a movie like that can't process dialogue, so they're basically there for loud noises and bright lights. I'm just saying, complete the cycle. Give them fucking. But do it on a special edition DVD.
And I'm not talking about those classy pornos with dialogue and plot and pseudo-legitimate production values. Those movies are firmly (ahem) entrenched in the adult movie world. I want to see the boundary between Hollywood and porno crossed, and I want Hollywood to cross it.
Someday somebody will do this. You read it here first.
9:54:00 PM 
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