Parts is Parts
I had been working out pretty hard at the health club and started getting leg cramps, especially when I slept. They got bad enough that I decided to stop in at a medical clinic for advice.
So what seems to be the problem?
It's my calf, Doctor. It keeps cramping up.
Your calf?
Yeah. The left one.
Hmm. Well, I'm afraid there's nothing I can do for you.
Excuse me?
There's nothing I can do. This is a Foot and Ankle center.
Yeah, I know, I saw that on the sign, but it's my calf, I thought maybe...
Where does it hurt? Show me.
Right about here.
No, that's no good. If it were down a little closer to the ankle, maybe I could help, but not the upper calf.
Let me get this straight. You are a foot and ankle and lower calf doctor?
No, just foot and ankle.
But you said you could help me if it were my lower calf.
I said maybe, as a favor.
Okay, well, I'm kind of at a loss here. Any suggestions as to whom I should see?
Tough one. Let me think. I suppose you could try Dr. Markewich in Chantilly.
He's a calf guy?
No, he's a knee guy, but he might take a look at an upper calf. I'd give him a call.
I had no idea medicine was getting so specialized.
Indeed it is.
So, basically, the calf is a wide open field. If I were to go into medicine today, I could corner the market. Open up my own Calf Center.
You bet.
Do you have any advice for me at all? About my calf? Any stretches? Heat or cold compresses, that sort of thing?
I really couldn't say. It wouldn't be prudent. You could trip on the cord from the heating pad and sue me. I have to protect myself against malpractice.
So you're suggesting heat.
I didn't say that.
Look, I'm not going to sue you. Let's just say, hypothetically, if a guy were to start cramping at night, in the upper calf region, what should he do?
Hypothetically speaking, he should get up and walk it off.
Walk it off?
Yeah. Basically.
I once had a gym teacher who told me to walk it off when I fell on the football field. It turned out to be a compound fracture of the tibia.
I'm sure he meant well.
I guess he wasn't a calf guy either.
The nurse will see you out now.
8:37:05 PM 
|
