In the very merry month of May
This poem was intended for April.
April is National Poetry month.
But time got away from me
And now it’s May: Barbeque month.
It’s also National Clean Air month.
Although it’s hard to imagine
How it can be both at the same time,
As the smoke from backyard grills
Wafts up and blocks out the sun,
Burns the retinas in our eyes.
What’s with these national celebrations?
Every month seems to have a slew.
With May there are at least twenty-two.
Don’t forget this month to pay homage
To your bikes, your books, your eggs,
Your flowers, your family, your salads.
Be wary of skin cancer, this is the month
For that; sleep better if you can; work on
Having “creative beginnings”; and be nice
To Asian Americans, it’s their time, too.
Some monthly celebrations are good.
They make people stop and think.
March is nutrition month, reminding us
We should lay off the chocolate pie.
And it’s poison prevention month.
Gotta keep those toxins out of reach.
But March is also umbrella month,
Noodle month, kite month, peanut month,
Play the recorder month.
Who has time to ponder all these?
February is National Hot Breakfast month.
Bacon, eggs and pancakes I can stand behind.
Whereas Oatmeal month (January) could be
One day, I don’t think anyone would mind.
A few of our celebrations are truly bizarre
Indicating that we as a nation are crazy or
Blessed with a good sense of humor or both.
There’s Return Shopping Carts to the Supermarket
Month in February – has anyone ever done this?
I mean, in observance of the celebration?
December is Hi Neighbor Month, but it’s unclear
If it’s Hi as in hello or Hi as in stoned.
It kind of makes a difference as to what to bring
When you ring your neighbor’s doorbell.
April is National Grilled Cheese Sandwich month:
A hollow gesture without Campbell’s tomato soup.
Then there’s January’s Yours, Mine and Ours
Month, which is just too strange to contemplate.
Worse yet is August’s Admit You’re Happy month.
What if I’m not? Just admit you’re happy, dammit!
I wonder which politicians decide the things
That are deserving of a monthly celebration.
And how many make the list through
Lunches, handshakes and a hefty donation.
January is National Gourmet Coffee month.
Tell me that doesn’t reek of Starbucks.
Or Georgia Pecan month in November.
Sorry Texas your pecans are just not worthy.
I fear it, I dread it, but surely it will come to be
Ronald Reagan month by federal decree.
All of this leaves me wishing for one month
Out of twelve with no celebrations to observe.
July comes close: National Hot Dog month.
That’s it for the whole month – go figure!
Meat by-products are not really my thing.
Well maybe just a couple or three dogs,
With some catsup, chili, onions and cheese.
A few more with sauerkraut and spicy mustard.
After that I’m done; the rest of June if free.
No more celebrations; just a lot of gas.
