A letter to my local ExxonMobil gas station
To whom it may concern:
First of all let me say how pleased I am with the new high-tech pumps you have installed at your gas station. I especially like the drip-free nozzles and the little speakers that keep me entertained with the latest top forty hits and advertised specials in the mini-mart while I pump gas. I also like the large LED screens that provide clear, step-by-step instructions on how to operate the pump. It seems crazy in this day and age, but it’s not always apparent how to operate a gas pump. Do I choose credit or debit before swiping my card? Do I push a button to select the grade of gas or do I remove the nozzle and then lift the handle for the grade I want? With your pumps, there is no confusion. The instructions prompt me in plain English to swipe my card, then push the button (which is big and red – can’t miss it!) to select the grade of gas. Simple, yet thorough. Well done. There’s just one thing that bothers me about your pumps. It’s a little thing. Honestly, I wish I didn’t notice these things. (Really, you have no idea.) I doubt that anybody has noticed but me. The thing is, once I observe something like this, I can’t let it go. I lie awake nights thinking about it. If I could just get to the code embedded in the chip of those gas pumps at your station, I could fix the problem and move on. What a relief that would be. Okay, here’s the issue. After I swipe my credit card, the machine asks me if I want a receipt. Good question. I have no problem with the question. The answer includes the choices: “Yes” and “No, thanks.” Why isn’t there a “please” after the “yes”? Yes, please. It’s as if I can be polite only when I decline your kind offer for a printed receipt. How ungrateful it makes me feel to accept the printed receipt without giving thanks where thanks is due. My mother certainly taught me better than that! I told you it was a small matter, but little things snowball into bigger things and before you know it, smack, bang, there go we as did the Roman Empire! Well, I think that’s enough said about this little etiquette issue. I’m sure you’ll fix the problem as soon as you are able. I won’t take up any more of your valuable time. Besides, I’ve got other things on my mind, other letters to write. The next one’s going to the management of my local grocery store. I’d like to know why the heck they have thick, overgrown bushes growing in their parking lot. Don’t they know how difficult it is for drivers to see around those bushes when they’re trying to get in and out of the lot? Why have vegetation there at all? Especially if they’re not going to tend it properly. But, hey, that’s not your problem. By the way, your boxwoods are nicely trimmed and well-positioned along the edge of the property; they don’t impose any visual impediment whatsoever. They seemed kind of dry, though. A couple of the stems snapped in my fingers when I bent them. Shrubs should bounce back with ample elasticity if they are properly watered. Yours also showed signs of an aphid infestation. You’ll want to have that looked at. Well, that’s all for now. Keep up the good work!
Sincerely yours,
A faithful neighborhood customer
P.S. It’s getting a little sticky on the floor back by the Slurpee machine. You might want to increase the detergent concentration on the nightly mop up!!
10:02:53 PM  Random Nonsense
|
|
