Instruction sheet for our new wine glasses
(Who knew that we needed instruction?)
FAQs
Q: I tend to get sloppy drunk at dinner parties. Your recommendation to hold the glasses by the stem is problematic for me. Sometimes when I'm sloshed, I can't really see the stem and when I reach out to grab it, I end up with my hand on the ass of the hostess and my tongue down her throat. Wouldn't it be better if I held my connoisseur wine glass by the bowl instead?
A: Drink responsibly and keep your tongue in your mouth.
Q: I am fairly skint and can only afford cheap, retched wines from the bargain bin at the grocery store. They're usually pink in color and bubbly even though they're not carbonated. These wines do not seem to benefit from swirling. Adding oxygen only releases a foul smell that makes me gag. Any suggestions?
A: Return the glasses at once. You are not worthy.
Q: Our Spiegelau wine glasses are designed for zinfandels and pinot noirs, but we like to drink burgundy. Is it okay to drink other varieties of wine from these glasses?
A: There is nothing we can do to stop you from making this grievous mistake, however, drinking wines not rated for your glasses voids our guarantee of "maximum pleasure when wine tasting." Additionally, you risk public ridicule, lifetime expulsion from international wine tastings and rare liver diseases.
Q: I'll be in Spiegelau, Germany next summer. Would it be possible to come by and see where my wine glasses – the best wine glasses in the world, the very wine glasses I was using when I fell in love – were made?
A: No.
Q: These glasses rock, man. I know that's not really a question, but I just wanted you to know that me and my old lady were given a box of six of your connoisseur glasses as a wedding present and we just dig 'em. We don't drink wine, though. Still, they hold a whole can of Budweiser and I feel all hoity-toity when I'm drinkin' from them.
A: As we say here in Bavaria, "You der mann."
Q: This business of "functional glasses" to enhance the character of wine is just a crock of shit, am I right?
A: Hey, buddy, it moves product.
10:29:58 PM  Random Nonsense
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