The first chip
Are you a potato chip lover? I mean a real potato chip lover? Have you ever looked down into a freshly opened one-pound bag of Ruffles potato chips and picked out the chip that you wanted? Singled it out from all the others. A big, sturdy, perfectly formed chip. Not one of the broken ones. Not one of the burned ones. This chip and only this chip will do. You know it right away. This is the supreme deity of potato chips. Standing tall above the rest in the bag. Offering itself up to you. The sacrificial first chip – teased out of the bag between thumb and forefinger and deposited on the expectant tongue. You know how important that first chip is. Tell me you’ve never shaken the bag in search of just the right chip to begin your snacking frenzy. That first chip seduces the taste buds and makes you want more. It needs to be nonpareil. And what if you choose a bad first chip? Well, let’s just say there’s nothing to keep a bad first chip from escalating into a really bad mood. You could turn into Mr. Cranky Pants. Your girlfriend could say she’s had enough and leave you. You could sink into a lifetime of despondency and hang around your house in a bathrobe all day. It depends on how seriously you take your chips. And while we’re on the subject, stay away from those folded potato chips. Why is that they never taste right? In appearance, they can be perfect in every way except that they were folded over prior to being cooked. Folded chips taste like crap. Never choose a folded chip as your first chip. Face it, there is more to eating potato chips than just reaching into the bag and grabbing any old chip. It’s a metaphysical snack food thing. Choose carefully. One final piece of advice. Don’t even think about dunking that all important first chip into some kind of goopy onion dip. Please! You’re just messing with the fates there.
9:46:22 PM  Random Nonsense
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