Tonight on Animal Planet
5:00-5:30 Giraffes (reaching high for those top-most leaves)
5:30-6:00 Sharks (they don’t want to bite you but they’re stupid)
6:00-6:30 Dogs (happy to help)
6:30-7:00 Snakes (a trained professional shows that even he can be bitten)
7:00-7:30 Birds (“Bunky” the world’s handsomest cockatiel)
8:00-8:30 Cats (oh, the places they can hide)
9:00-9:30 Venomous insects (they’re probably in your basement right now)
9:30-10:00 Lions and Tigers (they look cute but they’ll eat your intestines)
10:00-10:30 Emergency Vet (X-rays of the unusual things pets have swallowed)
10:30-11:00 Crocodiles (scientists shine bright lights on their yellow eyes at night)
11:00-11:30 Small endangered rodents (we’ll reveal how we get our cameras in those tiny lairs)
11:30-12:00 Bloopers (hilarious hijinks of America’s pets captured on grainy video)
12:07:33 AM  Random Nonsense
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