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Prius driver |
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Hummer driver |
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1 gallon |
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That’s really quite a beast you’ve got there. |
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Yeah, what of it? I like my vehicles big. |
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2 gallons |
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But isn’t it the height of arrogance to drive such a gas guzzler? Especially, these days. |
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Hey, it’s a free country, buddy. At least my vehicle’s made in America. |
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3 gallons |
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Yeah, I suppose it is, everything but the gasoline that goes in it. |
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Well, if you liberals would open up Alaska to drilling there would be plenty of domestic oil. |
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4 gallons |
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Interesting, isn’t it, that when it comes to conservation of natural resources it’s the liberals who are conservative? |
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I’m not short-changing my lifestyle for some made up gas crisis. |
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5 gallons |
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I haven’t seen your rear bumper but I’m guessing there’s a W sticker back there. |
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What makes you so sure? |
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6 gallons |
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I’m guessing that not many Hummer drivers voted for Kerry. |
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Not if they had any sense. And what about you? What’s on your bumper? ‘Visualize Whirled Peas’? |
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7 gallons |
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That’s funny. Nah, just one sticker: 'Think. It’s patriotic.' |
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Are you saying that because I drive a Hummer I don’t think? I think plenty. |
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8 gallons |
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I’ll bet. Especially while you’re hanging around here at the gas station filling your tank every few days. |
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Look, I’m not an asshole, okay? |
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9 gallons |
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I never said you were. |
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But you think it. |
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10 gallons |
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There’s this game I like to play at parties. As I mingle and get to know people, I try to guess which ones would be Hummer drivers. |
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So the less you like people the more likely that they would drive a Hummer? |
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11 gallons |
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Pretty much. |
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You know, I could play the same game only in reverse. |
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12 gallons |
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Hey, I’d love to chat some more, but I’m finished here. 12 gallons. That’ll keep me going for a few weeks. Listen, take care. Good luck living with yourself. |
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Happy trails, granola boy. Try to stay out of the tread in my tires with that windup toy of yours. |
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13 gallons |
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What a prick. |
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14 gallons |
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I’m not the asshole; he’s the asshole. |
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15 gallons |
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I don’t know what this country’s coming to. |
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16 gallons |
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Damn, do I look hot standing against this Hummer, or what? |
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17 gallons |
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I wonder if we should have a family picture taken in front of the Hummer for our Christmas card this year. |
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18 gallons |
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Darla’s gonna love those breast implants I’m getting her for Christmas.
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19 gallons |
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Look at these gas prices! I sure hope the President can do something about this. Maybe we do need to invade another Arab country. |
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20 gallons |
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Bush is a fine president, you know? Maybe even as good as Reagan. I think they ought to put both of their faces up on Mt. Rushmore. |
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21 gallons |
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I miss full serve gas stations. I could be sitting inside listening to Bill O'Reilly on the radio right now. |
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22 gallons |
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I wonder what kind of bonus I’ll get this year. |
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23 gallons |
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What we need in this country is another tax cut. That would set things right. |
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24 gallons |
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Stupid hybrids. How would I tow my speed boat in one of those goddamned tin cups? |
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25 gallons |
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Me an asshole. Imagine. How dare that guy judge me. People look up to me. That reminds me I need to clip my nose hairs. |
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26 gallons |
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Maybe I should take this baby off-road some time. Man, that would be a blast. Nah, all that mud. I just got her detailed. |
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27 gallons |
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What would Jesus drive? I’ll bet he’d drive a Hummer. |
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28 gallons |
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Born in the USA, I was born in the USA – I really love that song... |
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29 gallons |
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...too bad Springsteen is a communist traitor now. |
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30 gallons |
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Thirty gallons? That’s all? I’m going to be late for work again. |
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31 gallons |
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Look at all these foreigners around here. Good thing I renewed my NRA membership. |
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32 gallons |
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Nice weather, I should leave early and play golf at the club. |
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33 gallons |
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Hey, nobody’s called me on my cell phone in like ten minutes. What’s up with that? |
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34 gallons |
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I wonder how the market is doing. |
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35 gallons |
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Lordy, look at that babe. She’s checking me out. Chicks dig my Hummer. And guys are jealous. That’s the flat-out truth. |
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36 gallons |
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I can’t get that Prius guy out of my head. Why am I letting him bother me? |
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37 gallons |
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He’s nobody. Probably one of them crazy scientists who believe in climate change. He should listen to Rush Limbaugh. Then he’d know the truth. |
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38 gallons |
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Okay, I’ve got to let go. Remember, liberal Democrats are people, too. Just misguided. |
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39 gallons |
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See, I am not an asshole. I’m a compassionate conservative blessed with uncommon good sense and lots of money. |
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40 gallons |
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Full. Finally. Now I can be on my way. It’s gonna be a great day. Sure is good to be me. |
