Post-holiday meeting of the food you stuffed down your gut
Let’s get this meeting started. Gather round. I need to do a roll call. Do we have any crescents?
Yes!
Very good. How many of you?
Nine.
Okay, that’s what I’ve got on the list. Rye bread. Eight slices.
Here.
Great. Club rolls. Fourteen.
Yeah, we’re here.
French baguettes. Two.
Oui. Oui.
Very funny. How about molded Jello salad? Looks like there should be five slices of strawberry-banana and about a dozen of the cranberry?
Here.
All right. Potato chips? Two “big grab” bags. I see you guys way in the back. Guacamole. Medium spicy salsa. Two large tubs each.
Here.
And tortilla chips, pound and a half.
<giggles>
Duh! Right next to the salsa. Sorry guys.
Two cups of mixed nuts?
Yep.
One hundred black olives?
Yo.
Sixty pickles?
Here.
Eight ounces of Pate?
Here.
Cheeses. I’ve got a pound of Brie.
Here.
Twelve slices of Swiss.
Yeah.
Three quarter pound of cheddar.
Uh Huh.
Half pound of Gouda...I said Gouda. Hello? Gouda?
Huh? Oh. Here.
Come on. Pay attention.
How about crackers? A box each of wheat thins and sesame water crackers?
Here.
Right. Let’s move on to the entrees. I’m looking for 2.2 pounds of smoked Virginia ham.
Here.
Five pounds of turkey including a drumstick and two wings?
Present.
That’s wonderful. And I don’t mind saying you guys were cooked to perfection this year. How about a hand for the ham and turkey? Give it up everybody.
<applause>
Let’s see, where are we? Herbed stuffing, half pound?
Right here.
Green been casserole, about 4 cups?
Yep.
Mixed green salad, forty ounces.
Here.
Blue cheese dressing, sixteen ounce bottle.
Check.
Mashed potatoes and gravy. Wow! A record three pounds. You guys are looking great together, as always.
<banter>
Okay. Listen up. I’m going to need quiet if we’re going to get through this. I just have the desserts left. Starting with cookies, various types, homemade and store bought. Looks like we have 22 of those.
Here.
Seven pieces of fudge.
Here.
Cheese cake, three slices.
Present and accounted for, sir.
Well aren’t you sweet? Apple pie, five slices.
Here.
Chocolate chip ice-cream. Two pints.
Yep.
Four slices of pumpkin pie. Does anyone see the pumpkin pie? There you are. Hey, sorry about the burning problem. I heard that the oven was poorly calibrated. Word is, you were still delicious.
Finally, we’ve got whipped cream topping, one tub.
Here.
That’s it. Did I miss anybody? Nobody? Good! Before we move on to new business, I want to take a moment to remember our dear friends salted and unsalted butter. Sadly, twenty sticks perished over the holidays. We’ll certainly miss them. I think you’ll all agree that butter is a big part of who we are. Let’s have a moment of silence.
<sniffles>
Moving on. The first item on our agenda today is growth and lots of it. We grew 3.3% over the holidays and, frankly, we’re bursting at the seems. We need more space and we need it fast. Clearly we’ll have to downsize in the long-run, but for right now it looks like we’ll have to turn to the belt again.
<groans>
I know, but what choice do we have? At this time I would like to propose a loosening of the belt by two notches. All those in favor say aye!
<ayes>
Opposed?
<nays>
The ayes have it. We will now loosen the belt.
<sighs of relief>
Well. Phew! That certainly feels much better.
<fart>
Motion to break for lunch...
6:48:05 PM  Random Nonsense
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