The proper getaway
As I leave work for the day from my fourth floor office in a large office building, it is important that both my hands are free. I swing around so as to back out of the room, grab the doorknob with my right hand and pull forcibly while catching the light switch with the knuckles of my left hand (quickly pulling the hand back out before the door slams shut). Next, I whip my right arm around to the direction that I will be walking – creating my own centrifugal force – while pivoting on the foot on the same side until I have attained the correct departure angle, at which time I shove off with the unplanted foot, being careful not to lose traction due to slippery soles (know your footwear). Performed correctly, this maneuver develops like a well-choreographed dance move and shaves upward of a second and a half off my exit time.
I walk briskly down the hallway, but I don’t run. Running may save a little time, but I'll end up all sweaty, uncomfortable and, possibly, just this side of cardiac arrest for the ride home. The trade-off is not worth it. Once I have established a hurried but sustainable walking pace (basically, you should feel the separation of your femur from the hip socket with every stride), I hone in on a trajectory that will minimize the distance between where I am and where I am heading. Remember – two points make a straight line!
Somewhere along that line I will encounter pedestrian interference (PI). It’s going to happen. People are everywhere. They’re annoying in that way. PI can really slow you down. Dawdling pedestrians traveling in groups along narrow hallways make it challenging to pass. As I approach, I gauge their speed, all the while looking for an opening. Finding none, I will fake a cough to get their attention. They look back, sense that I am in a hurry and move aside to let me pass. Rule of thumb: do not attempt to pass unless you know you can. Believe me, you will lose valuable time if you have to stop and help someone up that you have knocked to the ground. The “are you alright?” and “I am so sorry” time alone can easily run into the tens of seconds.
Navigating intersections of hallways can be tricky. I use a technique similar to the Fosbury flop in the high jump. Basically, the shoulder closest to the wall in the direction of the turn should just barely clear the wall. Calculated trigonometrically this approach saves a hundredth of a second for every mile per hour I am traveling! At the end of a long straight hallway, I reach an elevator. If I am oriented correctly, my arm will be bent to just the right angle, with my finger extended to hit the down button without wavering (one half to three-quarters seconds gained). Mental focus is important here. Getting on an elevator going up when you are heading down will eat heavily into your time and, if anyone else is on board, you will have to make inane comments like, “well, I guess I’m along for the ride!”
On the first floor, I reach the entrance to my building and prepare to navigate the revolving door leading outside. I believe this is what George Lucas was referring to when he wrote the line, “may the force be with you.” Lucas is undoubtedly a proponent of efficient egress. Okay, the door: If the force is indeed with me, the door will already be revolving as I approach. I like it when I don’t have to expend an ounce of my own energy. There is at least a full second saved if I can walk right through. Short of that, it is important to get through the revolving door by pushing with sufficient force, without stumbling and, please, without forgetting to get out so that you don’t have to go all the way around again. If you do that, you might as well give up; you are an embarrassment to time-efficient people everywhere.
Outside in the parking lots, it’s just more of the same. Trajectory, pace, slalom skills. Of course, there’s a good bit of luck involved here, too. A close-in parking spot cuts a full minute off the total time. A spot in the satellite lot can add two extra minutes. On average, I reach my car in 6.4 minutes. A respectable time, but I can do better. Every day, I work to bring that average down. I'm considering special clothing and one of those funny-looking bicycling helmets to cut wind resistance.
After I reach my car, it’s an 8 minute, 15 turn, 9 stop sign drive home. Perhaps you remember that story. No? Go here. I’m too tired to tell it again.
9:00:27 PM  Stories
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