Bud’s Blog #2
It’s colder outside than Janet Jacksons right tit on super bowl Sunday. That’s a pretty good line, huh? I think I’m getting the hang of this blogging stuff. Oh yeah, hey, its Bud here. How’s everybody? Jacks out in the garage with one of them shampooer machines trying to get a bloodstain out of the carpet of his car. Ill tell ya about that in little bit.
So you all catch an eyeful of Janet Jackson on the super bowl Sunday night? Man, thats not sumptin you see on tv every night. I had been out partying earlier that evening, well, since Friday actually. I was with a couple of lady freinds and we was watchin the game on the little tv set above the bar.
I know what your thinking, what happened to Kristin, right? My steady girl since getting out of jail? Well, that didn’t work out. Which is too bad. I thought we had a lot of potential. I really did. Especially as a threesome with her sister, Rachel. But she wasn’t havin none of that. So she left me. Oh, yeah, and I lost my job. I’m no longer a traffic counter. Might as well come clean on that, too. My supervisor called me into his office the other day, he says you’re late to work every friggin day. And I say well technikly you can’t call it late when a guy don’t show up at all. He said I had a bad attitude and he fired me on the spot. The little prick has no sense of humor. Anyway that’s fine by me. I’ll figure something out. A guy needs a little time to think, you know? I’m still working on some big ideas that are gonna make me rich one day. I can’t talk much about them cause there’s patents pending and shit.
Back to the girls. Their names are Shelly and Jamila. Jamila’s like this really hot Arab chick. Both the girls were starting to get into the whole super bowl thing, cause they were pretty tired of playing pool and listenin to me go one with all my stories, so anyway I figured I would shake things up a little. I said, you know the guy Im staying with has one of them big screen tvs. And so theyre like can we go watch the game over there? And I say sure, why not, you know cause the tvs down in the basemenet where Im living and I figure we can sneak dwon their and Jack wont know it and we ll have ourselves a good time and the girls will leave in the morning and hopfuly they wont steal nothing.
So we catch a cab over to Jack’s place. Only thing is Jacks having a super bowl party that I didnt know nothing about and I wasnt invited to now that I think about it. But anyway hes got all these guests down in the basesment and the place is cleened up real nice. And these people are all like wearing turtlenecks and khaki pants and eating little peices of bree on fancy crackers and drinking wine. The girls think this is just fucking great. They let go of my arms to introduce themselves and they’re like hi, nice to meet you and shit. I can see Jack giving me the evil eye from across the room and I figure, whoa, okay, maybe this isn’t such a good idea, maybe we should split. But Shelly and Jamila have already got there coats off and are pouring some wine and picking at the cheese. Jack says come on in, make yourselves at home, but I can tell he’s pissed off and all and I’m gonna hear about this later.
The thing is everbodys really getting in to the game cause it’s a good one for a change and the commercials are funny and we’re all laughin and having a good time and Im thinking well, all right, this is going to be okay after all. Then the halftime show comes on and Shelly and Jamila are all hot over this Justin Timberpond guy. Nobody else seems to know who he is on account of all of us being so old and shit. But we all know who Janet Jackson is and we’re all in agreement that she pretty much sucks. So we’re watching the show and then outta nowhere this Justin guy reaches over, tears off a piece of Janets costume and out falls her titty. It all happended pretty quick like and we none of us could believe what we thought we saw. After a while the talk comes around to weather she done it on purpose and one group says no way, it was an accident, and the other group says oh, yeah, then how comes she got a pasty on her nipple, girls don’t wear them unless they plan on baring their breasts. That’s when Shelly says it wasnt no pasty but nipple jewelry and lots a girls where em and, in fact, she has some on right now. And then she lifts up her top to show us. Man, she’s got some nice’ems that girl. Well, anyway, that pretty much done it for the night. Jack and his wife and their guests got all squirmy in their chairs and bristly. You know, one of your dates shows her tits at a party, there’s pretty much no coming back from that. Been down that road before. I figured I better get the girls out of there and Jack offered me his car to take them home and so off we go.
We drop Shelly off first cause she’s gotta get up early for a court appearance. So then I look over at Jamila and ask her if she was up for something cause I sure as hell was. She slides on over to me and gets all cuddly. She tells me that today is a special day for her people. I tell her, yeah, super bowl Sunday is pretty special day for my people too. I was just jokin with her and shit. Jamila tells me that today is some kind of important religious holiday for Arabs and that at the end of the day it’s a tradition to sacrifice a lamb in celebration. Then she leans over and whispers in my ear: you ever done it while watching a lamb get butchered? And I’m like yeah, babe, who hasn’t? The truth is I ain’t never done nothing like that and I’m not too keen to start now. But next thing I know we’re heading to some meat packing plant she knows of, run by an old friend of the family or something.
We go inside and the place is like all gross and smelly, but Jamila is turned on, I can tell. Look, I say, I can’t do this. I’m sorry. I mean, I’m into a lot of shit, but this, well, this is way outta my league. Jamila is cool about it. She says most guys she brings here wimp out. Hey, I’m no wimp, I tell her. And then I say maybe I am willing to give it a go. Nah, she says, it’s probably best if you take me home. She was definitely out of the mood now. We start to leave when this guy comes over, the family friend. I can’t understand what they’re sayin cause their talking in Arabic and shit, but apparently he’s insisting that Jamila take home some fresh lamb to her parents and since I’m with her I gotta take some too.
Only thing is he didn’t pack up the meat too good and a bunch of blood kinda leaked out in Jack’s car, which was like the last straw. Jack’s pretty mad at me. And I guess I can’t blame him. But I know he’s gonna read this here blog that I wrote and I’m hoping that once he hears the whole story he will understand. Shit happens, ya know? People make bad decisions. Seems I’m always making bad decisions. I fucked up, man. I’m sorry. But I’m gonna live up to the consequneces. I’m gonna make things right by you. You know me, man. I like to keep a positive outlook and shit. How’s that expression go? Behind every cloud there’s a sliver of lining. Hey, you got a freezer full of some pretty damn fine lamb chops, my friend. As soon as the weather breaks we’re gonna have us one hell of a barbeque.
5:43:05 PM 
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