Suburban encounters
Today I tangled with the biggest damn cobweb ever. I didn't see it coming; you never do. This web was the thickness of a hangman's rope, but still somehow invisible to me. I managed to walk right into it as I took my morning stroll through the neighborhood. I'm guessing that what hit me was an abandoned spider's web originally tethered between a signpost on the curb and a holly bush that I passed between. One thing is certain: my encounter with the web made for a powerful slap to the head. Forget about the soft delicate silk you normally think of spun out of a spider's rump. This stuff was as dense as ironwood and barbed on the outer surface. It caught on the stubble of my beard and yanked my head to the side, creating an instant, painful whiplash. I fell to the ground and cracked my head on the sidewalk. A large section of the web fell with me and quietly settled down onto my body. I could feel the full weight of it. I had to work my hands under one strand that was constricting my neck and making it difficult to breathe. I wrestled with this cobweb for what seemed like minutes. I don't mean to over-dramatize this story. Really, I don't. It's just that in the end my injuries were pretty substantial: a nasty bump on the head; clothes torn to shreds; head-to-toe micro-slices to my skin; a dislocated shoulder; neck pain. With great difficulty, I got up off the ground and dusted myself off. Just then, a young woman turned the corner, running. I considered warning her about the killer cobweb ahead. But she was plugged-in to her iPod. I could hear her music, which meant that the volume was turned up too high for her to hear me. Her arms were pumping. Her stride was smooth and rhythmic. What caught my eye next nearly stopped my heart. Hanging from her ears were two white wires that danced crazily in the air like live electrical cables downed by an ice storm. They were heading straight for me! With the last bit of energy I could muster, I stepped aside and let this woman pass. She whisked on by, the high voltage iPod wires missing me by inches. I started walking again, toward home. Didn't look back. I have to assume she made it through.
10:08:54 PM  Random Nonsense
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