Maggie May calls it quits
My dear Rod—
It’s that time of year. School started weeks ago. And here you are whining again that you really should be getting back. Just go already, okay? I mean it this time. I want you to leave. It’s over. Your books are there on the shelf where they've been for the past thirty-four years.
Look, it's been a good long run. We’ve had some fun. Like that time we wrecked your bed. Wow, that was a night! But I've got things I want to do with the rest of my life. So, please, do us both a favor and get on back to school.
Frankly, I’m a little tired of hearing about how I kicked you in the head. Hell, it was an accident. You know that, right? My knee flinched. Given where your head was at that particular moment and what it was doing down there, well, that sort of thing is bound to happen, wouldn't you say? And while we're setting the record straight, I did not make a “world class fool” out of you. You came by that distinction honestly, bucko. You and your old man, the pool player.
You’re always saying, “I wish I'd never seen your face.” I know you mean that as a compliment, but it’s kind of cruel. Did you ever think about that? And that other line – how does it go? “The morning sun really shows your age.” Cheap shot! I won’t lower myself to be so unkind, but take a look in the mirror, my friend. Time has a way of leveling the playing field.
Well, that’s all I have to say. Pack up your belongings. I want you out of here by day’s end. And don't come slinking around here next spring break. I'll be in Europe. I’m seeing someone else. His name is Paolo. He’s my personal shopper at Nordstrom. We’re planning a tour of the Etruscan countryside together. Who knows? Maybe we’ll settle down there. Open a cheese shop in a cave. Why do you think I’ve been taking those Italian lessons? You really are as blind as a fool can be.
I’ll miss you, Rod. You stole my heart, too. Stay in touch. Call me when you get your degree. What was it again? Oh, yeah – music theory. Good luck with that.
Love,
Maggie May
8:27:31 PM 
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