Grace and Gratitude

I had given the preschool child my boutonniere after the completion of a wedding service. Mother, who was standing near by said, with speed of light, "What do you say?" The little girl on cue said: "Thank you."

Here was a mother who wanted to instill in her child the etiquette of gratitude. We will never know if the child would have thought, on her own, to say thank you because Mom rushed in immediately.

Saying "thank you" when someone does something for you or gives you something is certainly desired social etiquette. It is a response that is often forgotten by the "me generation" which thinks the world owes them something.

There may be a better way, however, to teach this social grace than rushing in immediately and having the child say your words - like pulling a puppet's string and talking without moving your lips. Try waiting to see if the child remembers. If they do not, before the conversation ends, something like this might be said: "Could we say thank you to Dr. Atkinson for the flower?"

Children learn by mimicking what significant others in their lives do. If they are around parents who are extravagant in their expressions of gratitude for favors done, the child will pick it up. This is especially true when expressions of gratitude are lavishly given to the child - "Thank you for waiting patiently while Daddy talked to his friend."

Christmas can be a time of teaching appreciation. Around some trees on Christmas morning, everyone is so interested in getting into their packages that no one is paying any attention to anyone else. If the meaning of Christmas is only receiving, then there is nothing wrong with this scene. But if Christmas has to do with giving as well as with receiving, you might try an experiment I heard about on a morning news show.

After all the presents have been distributed, let each one open one present, one person at a time. Let the smaller children go first. Focus attention on the gift and the giver. Give time for appropriate expression of appreciation by the recipient before moving on to the next person. This will teach children two things: 1) that every gift is significant because it comes as an expression of someone's love for us, and 2) gratitude needs to be expressed.

You might want to have "Thank You" notes available to write your appreciation to "gift-givers" who are not present. Children mimic what they see in the lives of significant others. Help the younger children with their note writing.

Christmas provides a great backdrop for teaching the grace of gratitude. "Thank God for his Son - his Gift too wonderful for words" (II Corinthians 9:15 LB). Let your children see you being genuinely grateful. They will catch on. I promise you.